Thursday, 26 November 2015

Caught In The Act.

Yesterday was one of  those crazy days. If a seer had revealed yesterday's incident before hand,  I'd have gone all "tufiakwa /olorunmaje in my head"  thinking this one dey profess bad thing.  What would have happened if he came into my room too?  Hol up! Hol up!  Let's not imagine cos I don't even wanna imagine.  Chai!
So I and my friend left the room past 9 for CDS(as usual).  We got back to the lodge tired and all..... Just before I go further(there are 3 rooms in the boys quarter Lodge for corpers.  My neighbour stays in the first room,  middle room is empty while I live in the 3rd room*you Gerrit? *.  
Just assume you're watching a seasonal movie briefed into a blog post (you need to see how I've created a joke out of it cos I knew Daniel and I'd have to explain to countless people..... Maybe he should jes record the incident on a tape,  play to whoever wanna listen, then at the end of every season.... (pause the recording) ...just to make my audience anxious..... (then they request for season two),  I do a hit intro by dancing (end season 2) (pause the recording)  Then they request for season 3....and I do a final dance..choi)

(Season 1)
My friend sat down opposite the first room while I searched for my key (I'm very nonchalant when it comes to Lil things.... Forgot my keyholder + bunch of keys in lagos,  alarooro wouldn't allow me buy another keyholder just for one key.  And yes!  I'm used to being carefree with my door,  would leave for the market without locking it.... Distance to the market Is like yaba to yaba tech /unilag Junction or let's say ikeja underbridge to Allen roundabout. ).  Brought out my phones,  note pad ,  everything in my bag cos I was looking for a key o(those things that can't talk) .  Saw my office key in the bag,  I assumed it should unlock the padlock since it's the same brand(I did it during undergrad days wella) .
Went to my door,  my office key didn't unlock it and then I dipped my hand into the back pocket of my khaki only to find the key there(that thing can pain ehn). 
Unlocked the padlock and went back to arrange all what I had removed from my bag.  (remember that my friend was still sitting opposite the  first room o and yes!  We were gisting while I was searching for the key and all).  While arranging the stuffs back into my bag ,  my neighbour came (dude never comes back early after cds is over). 
(Season 2)
I wasn't so surprised anyways(change is a constant thing) , after the exchanging of pleasantries,  he went to the door and noticed the padlock wasn't there.
Dude: I no lock my room door?.  E be like sey I lock am now
Me: why you go lock am when you no get money inside (I've got a smart assed mouth)
Dude: ( opens door,*sees a strange guy*)  just stay there (shuts his door within a second,  but wait?.  How dyu expect a thief to still stay there when he's caught.... Den dey bargain with thief?)
As a sharp girl who was behind my neighbour,  I tried to fix the padlock of my room into his door shutter so we could lock the thief inside.  The next thing we saw was a door pushed with force coming towards our faces(we didn't so end locking the thief ) .  Tried to hit my padlock on his head while he ran away but it missed his head cos he was too fast. 
Before I could say (jaaaa(holup) I haven't  said JACK yet).  Dude was chasing the thief....
That's how the Olympic games began as If we were on a competition with naija top runner,  shit!  I ran...... I'm the least person who can run to save her life but mhen!  I knew I raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan (did the number of a's quantify how I ran? ) ......
The Thief led us to his waterloo by leading us to the main road..... Luckily for us,  a van was parked(guess the occupants in the van were waiting for someone...... Perhaps us! ).  Trust us,  we shouted thief!  Ole!!  (I think we forgot to shout barawo(thief in hausa) )..... 
The guys who were in the van heard us and weree at alert waiting for the thief to come close by(see action film) .....  The Thief ran into the bush and then It's high time I took a pause . ...... I stopped running cos I was sure he's gon be caught..... I had to rush back to my room to lock it cos I hate missing serious scenes in seasonal movies(I don't like to be told..... I want to see it happen) .....(end of Season 2)

(Season 3)
Got back to the road and saw his face a bit soaked in his own blood.  I see pictures of this on social media and  blogs but I saw this one live without wasting MB(lol). 
My friend went to the police station and came back.... Twas then I knew the Nigerian Police force needed to up their game.  They came without handcuffs(where do you we find a cop arresting without handcuffs?  Only in Nigeria. obviously they had no handcuffs). I don't think he was arrested..... Yes!  Cos he looked tie-rrested (chill!  You'd under that phrase: tie-rrested ) . Oh!  I forgot to tell y'all that they came with a bike,  commercial bike o and told my friend to pay,  a corper to pay from his 19k650 allowee that's almost finished...... 
The police officer used the thief's trouser to tie his hands and he was taken to the police station(you get the tie-rrested drift)..... I followed them o(i still don't like to be told ),  I must see the end of this seasonal movie, between that's the first time I'd ever enter a station tsha, thus,  the adrenaline in my curiosity increased. 
My stay at the station made me see so many things that got me pissed about women (that should be another  blog post.....  But I really must say this.... Ladies pls y'all need to step up ya game.....  Don't watch yourself date a useless guy let alone marry him...... I can't even deal with a cheat let alone a useless man.  NBA!  Marriage is for better for worse..... A criminal is forever a criminal.  It can't be erased from the record)
So as I was saying before the "mantalk" interrupted my gist...... I'm glad for so many things
I was glad searching for my key delayed us from entering my room else the thief woulda either escaped or come to my room and make a big deal outta us(see free black Thursday without online transaction)
If he had come to my room earlier before my neighbour's own ,  he'd only fume In anger and just decide to package the edikaikon I had left or perhaps get busy sucking out the periwinkle from the shell.  The only thing that'd pain me is that I'd have to arrange my room(cos he turned my friends room upside down) .
If my room was the first target,  he'd have escaped the moment we notice someone is inside cos my windows has got no burglary fixed to it. 

*One thing I learnt is for us to be vigilant, if you pass through your neighbours house and notice his door is open.... Calling out his name just to say hi while walking past wouldn't deduct a cent from your account.  We didn't notice his door had no padlock and we stayed there gisting for  close to 4 minutes. 
*I also believe Yesterday was his destined day to be caught cos my key delayed me out there,  if not he'd have sneaked away and I might be the one to start petting my NYSC boo(LOl)
Worst of all is, the thief was just a hungry one desperately in need of anything.  He packaged my friends power bank,  phone,  hard disc drive,  Jeans,  nice shirts,  boxers o(cos I knew he bought new boxers the day before yesterday,  I'm sure they're part of it.  LoL)  and squeezed them into my friends laptop bag. See packaging?. 

Henceforth,  even if I'm walking just a stone throw..... I gotta lock my door (I hardly lock my door even when I go to the market cos I used to believe my area is safe.... but not again. )

Have you ever caught a thief red-handed?.  Have you ever been robbed?..... I love stories,  pls gist me in the comment box......

PS: (I promised to hit up some blogs last week,  my hands are full...... I'd definitely do that and cover up on those interesting posts  I've missed on your blog. )

Below are awesome photo shoot of the segzy (sexy) thief 


  1. The police officer used the theif trousers to tie his hands. Nigerian police force, always disappointing since day 1. Lol.
    Debbi, the way your explaining camp to me ehh, I hope I don't finally kneel down and pray "father if it's by your will let this cup pass over me"..

    1. Loool..... See slogan. NPF,........ Always disappointing since day 1.
      Choi! See prayer. Loool. You might be lucky to enjoy yours, perhaps posted to a very good state where everything is bubbly, but my stay in EBONYI camp to be precise(LOL) was blessed.

  2. really sezy thief. good for him abeg.