10 RULES FOR BRILLIANT WOMEN

Lately, Google seems to be my confidant *aside academic research*(even though i only ask questions and i can't spill 'em). Came across this and Was following up the rules via my mail. The 10th rule is the big reason why i'm sharing this 'cos i'm sure brilliant ladies would produce great women(moms).

 TML

Most of the time, they don’t know their brilliance. They are certain they “aren’t ready” to take on that next bigger role. They are more attuned to the ways they aren’t qualified than to the ways that they are. They are waiting for someone to validate, promote or discover them. Sound familiar?
It’s time to step up, brilliant women. Here are ten principles for owning your brilliance and bringing it to the world:
1 Make a pact. No one else is going to build the life you want for you. No one else will even be able to completely understand it. The most amazing souls will show up to cheer you on along the way, but this is your game. Make a pact to be in it with yourself for the long haul, as your own supportive friend at every step along the way.

2 Imagine it. What does a knock-the-ball-out-of-the-park life look like for you? What is the career that seems so incredible you think it’s almost criminal to have it? What is the dream you don’t allow yourself to even consider because it seems too unrealistic, frivolous, or insane? Start envisioning it. That’s the beginning of having it.


3 Gasp. Start doing things that make you gasp and get the adrenalin flowing. Ask yourself, “What’s the gasp-level action here?” Your fears and a tough inner critic will chatter in your head. That’s normal, and just fine. When you hear that repetitive, irrational, mean inner critic, name it for what it is, and remember, it’s just a fearful liar, trying to protect you from any real or seeming risks. Go for the gasps and learn how false your inner critic’s narrative really is, and how conquerable your fears.

4 Get a thick skin. If you take risks, sometimes you’ll get a standing ovation, and sometimes, people will throw tomatoes. Can you think of any leader or innovator whom you admire who doesn’t have enthusiastic fans and harsh critics? Get used to wins and losses, praise and pans, getting a call back and being ignored. Work on letting go of needing to be liked and needing to be universally known as “a nice person.”

5 Be an arrogant idiot. Of course I know you won’t, because you never could. But please, just be a little more of an arrogant idiot. You know those guys around the office who share their opinions without thinking, who rally everyone around their big, (often unformed) ideas? Be more like them. Even if just a bit. You can afford to move a few inches in that direction.

6 Question the voice that says “I’m not ready yet.” I know, I know. Because you are so brilliant and have such high standards, you see every way that you could be more qualified. You notice every part of your idea that is not perfected yet. While you are waiting to be ready, gathering more experience, sitting on your ideas, our friends referenced in rule five are being anointed industry visionaries, getting raises, and seeing their ideas come to life in the world. They are no more ready than you, and perhaps less. Jump in the sandbox now, and start playing full out. Find out just how ready you are.

7 Don’t wait for your Oscar. Don’t wait to be praised, anointed, or validated. Don’t wait for someone to give you permission to lead. Don’t wait for someone to invite you to share your voice. No one is going to discover you. (Well, actually, they will, but paradoxically, only after you’ve started boldly and consistently stepping into leadership, sharing your voice, and doing things that scare the hell out of you.)

8 Filter advice. Most brilliant women are humble and open to guidance. We want to gather feedback and advice. Fine, but recognize that some people won’t understand what you are up to (often because you are saying something new and ahead of your time). Some people will find you to be not their cup of tea. Some will feel threatened. Some people will want to do with your idea only what is interesting or helpful to them. So interpret feedback carefully. Test advice and evaluate the results, rather than following it wholesale.

9 Recover and restore. If you start doing the things that make you gasp, doing what you don’t quite feel ready to do, and being more of an arrogant idiot, you are going to be stretching out of our comfort zone–a lot. Regularly do things that feel safe, cozy, and restorative. Vent to friends when you need to. Acknowledge the steps you’ve taken. Watch your tank to see how much risk-taking juice you have available to you. When it’s running low, stop, recover and restore.


10 Let other women know they are brilliant. Let them know what kind of brilliance you see, and why it’s so special. Call them into greater leadership and action. Let them know that they are ready. Watch out for that subtle, probably unconscious thought, “because I had to struggle and suffer on my way up…they should have to too.” Watch out for thinking this will “take” too much time — when the truth is it always has huge, often unexpected returns.
                   Clear a path by walking it, boldly.

DARK LIGHT posted by Kuti Olumide

Does this darkness have a name?

This pain, this confusion;

this constant feel of being a natural rejection.

Is it my name?         

Keeps awaiting like an impending doom

Hits the heart like physical boom

As the soul screams kaboom

Shatters, scatters, batters

Till all that’s left is tattered

LIGHTNING UP FAME(Chapter 2) posted by Kuti Olumide

Screams, wailing, people going head over heels; it was like a joyous massacre inside the hall. The decoration was a mixture of gold and white, everybody dress code followed thus. They all looked exquisite that evening as the voice came from the gigantic speakers, filling the populated room. 

“And the winner of the script writer of the year goes to……. Kelvin Abbey”

     I stood up with dignity but yet kept looking down as I made my way to the stage. The award was as heavy as the title, me, best script writer. It was a marvel beyond my expectation. For all those who stop believing in themselves, seeing me standing here is enough to make you believe that dreams do come true.

The after party was glamorous, pretty; God I mean awesome ladies filled the room. 

    There were drinks of all sorts, as the actors and actress lifted me off the ground screaming and singing “stand up, stand up, for the champion, for the champion”.

Yet in the midst of all the merry, in the midst of all the beautiful things of this world, in the middle of that dream come true, all I see is my weakness.

5 SIGNS HE ISN'T OVER HIS EX posted by Odeniran Deborah Olamide

 

Ladies, Do you ever get the feeling that there are three people in your relationship – you, your guy and his ex? Does he still talk or email with her often? Or maybe he holds an unhealthy grudge, or seems preoccupied with what she’s doing now? If any of these scenarios sound familiar, it may mean that he hasn’t completely let go yet. How can you tell if he’s not really over his ex?
 
1. He wasted no time before jumping into his next relationship. If you started dating this guy shortly after his latest breakup, there’s a good chance he’s not completely over his ex – no matter what he says. “There are hopes and dreams we have when we get into a relationship that we lose when we lose that relationship,” says Tessina. “It takes some time [to get over those things].” She points out that men often avoid the grieving process that follows a breakup, even though it can be instrumental in helping them assess the relationship and move on. “You want to be sure he can talk about it – that he can analyze it a little bit, and can say what went wrong and what went right and what part he played in what went wrong.” But even if he isn’t quite there, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed.

3. When it comes to his ex, he only deals in extremes. If your new guy can’t say his ex’s name without spitting, this is another warning sign. “If he’s talking about her constantly, and she’s either the most wonderful thing in the world or the most terrible thing in the world, but it’s unrealistic, you need to ask him about his role in the relationship,” says Tessina. There are two people in every couple, and there’s no way his ex was as great or awful as he makes her sound. “If he’s not talking about it at all, you need to say ‘I think it’s valuable to for us to talk about our past relationships so we can see what went wrong and what we need to do differently in this relationship.’”
4. He can’t break the string. There are plenty of reasons a guy may stay in touch with his ex, and they aren’t necessarily all bad. “If they have kids in common, they have to be in contact,” Tessina says. “If they were together for a long, long time, there’s also some reason for contact.” But if neither situation applies, and he still won’t stop talking to his ex, you should initiate a conversation about her – carefully. “What you don’t want to do is set yourself up against his ex,” says Tessina. Here, too, she recommends talking to him about his relationship with his ex, and what he thinks he can do better or differently in your relationship. She also suggests offering to reach out to the ex yourself, but if he’s not up for that – and if he doesn’t seem compelled to change anything about the current situation, even if it’s making you uncomfortable – that’s a major red flag. “I would slow the relationship down immediately [in those circumstances],” she says. “I’d say, ‘I can’t go further if you’re going to have a relationship with somebody that has to be behind my back.’”

Read 5 Signs He’s Not the Guy For You

5. He obsesses over the remnants of the relationship. If he’s always checking her Facebook profile or you catch him poring over old pictures, you could also have a problem. “He’s not finished, he hasn’t done his grieving,” says Tessina. “You have to understand that if you stay in a relationship with him, you’re going to be part of that grieving process.” As Tessina points out, when you’re in a relationship you talk about just about everything. Whether it’s work, friends or family, there’s always something to discuss over dinner, and past relationships should be no different. Let him know you’re open to talking about his exes. Discussing this relationship could help him work through his feelings and move forward – and may even bring the two of you closer together.
If your guy hasn’t completely let go of his ex, proceed with caution – but know that your relationship isn’t necessarily a lost cause. He may want to be with you, but needs just a bit more time to deal with his breakup. The key to making it work is both of you being  willing to talk openly about his old relationship and his feelings about his ex. And if, when all is said and done, he just can’t let go, you may have to be the one who moves on.

Read more at http://bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/5-Signs-He-Is-Not-Over-His-Ex.html#zJ0AB0yV3wPvZQIc.99

2. He fell for you before his relationship ended. These are men like John Edwards and Tiger Woods, who tell you their previous relationships are over or broken, but they still go home to their wives or girlfriends. It sounds obvious, but these guys are bad news. “It doesn’t matter if he says the relationship is bad,” Tessina says. “He has a cheating mentality.” And if he cheats on her, he probably wouldn’t have a problem with cheating on you. Even if he does eventually leave his wife or girlfriend – a very big if, by the way — and you’re willing to give it a go with this guy, he literally hasn’t had any time on his own to process the demise of that previous relationship so you could run into the same problems as in #1, above. Bottom line: This is probably not someone you want to be with.
Read more at http://bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/5-Signs-He-Is-Not-Over-His-Ex.html#zX5rPaoqQEGZ6XSh.99

2. He fell for you before his relationship ended. These are men like John Edwards and Tiger Woods, who tell you their previous relationships are over or broken, but they still go home to their wives or girlfriends. It sounds obvious, but these guys are bad news. “It doesn’t matter if he says the relationship is bad. “He has a cheating mentality.” And if he cheats on her, he probably wouldn’t have a problem with cheating on you. Even if he does eventually leave his wife or girlfriend – a very big if, by the way — and you’re willing to give it a go with this guy, he literally hasn’t had any time on his own to process the demise of that previous relationship so you could run into the same problems as in #1, above.
 Bottom line: This is probably not someone you want to be with.

3. When it comes to his ex, he only deals in extremes. If your new guy can’t say his ex’s name without spitting, this is another warning sign. “If he’s talking about her constantly, and she’s either the most wonderful thing in the world or the most terrible thing in the world, but it’s unrealistic, you need to ask him about his role in the relationship,” says Tessina. There are two people in every couple, and there’s no way his ex was as great or awful as he makes her sound. “If he’s not talking about it at all, you need to say ‘I think it’s valuable to for us to talk about our past relationships so we can see what went wrong and what we need to do differently in this relationship.’”
4. He can’t break the string. There are plenty of reasons a guy may stay in touch with his ex, and they aren’t necessarily all bad. “If they have kids in common, they have to be in contact,” Tessina says. “If they were together for a long, long time, there’s also some reason for contact.” But if neither situation applies, and he still won’t stop talking to his ex, you should initiate a conversation about her – carefully. “What you don’t want to do is set yourself up against his ex,” says Tessina. Here, too, she recommends talking to him about his relationship with his ex, and what he thinks he can do better or differently in your relationship. She also suggests offering to reach out to the ex yourself, but if he’s not up for that – and if he doesn’t seem compelled to change anything about the current situation, even if it’s making you uncomfortable – that’s a major red flag. “I would slow the relationship down immediately [in those circumstances],” she says. “I’d say, ‘I can’t go further if you’re going to have a relationship with somebody that has to be behind my back.’”

Read 5 Signs He’s Not the Guy For You

5. He obsesses over the remnants of the relationship. If he’s always checking her Facebook profile or you catch him poring over old pictures, you could also have a problem. “He’s not finished, he hasn’t done his grieving,” says Tessina. “You have to understand that if you stay in a relationship with him, you’re going to be part of that grieving process.” As Tessina points out, when you’re in a relationship you talk about just about everything. Whether it’s work, friends or family, there’s always something to discuss over dinner, and past relationships should be no different. Let him know you’re open to talking about his exes. Discussing this relationship could help him work through his feelings and move forward – and may even bring the two of you closer together.
If your guy hasn’t completely let go of his ex, proceed with caution – but know that your relationship isn’t necessarily a lost cause. He may want to be with you, but needs just a bit more time to deal with his breakup. The key to making it work is both of you being  willing to talk openly about his old relationship and his feelings about his ex. And if, when all is said and done, he just can’t let go, you may have to be the one who moves on.

Read more at http://bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/5-Signs-He-Is-Not-Over-His-Ex.html#zJ0AB0yV3wPvZQIc.99

3. When it comes to his ex, he only deals in extremes. If your new guy can’t say his ex’s name without spitting, this is another warning sign. “If he’s talking about her constantly, and she’s either the most wonderful thing in the world or the most terrible thing in the world, but it’s unrealistic, you need to ask him about his role in the relationship. There are two people in every couple, and there’s no way his ex was as great or awful as he makes her sound. “If he’s not talking about it at all, you need to say ‘I think it’s valuable to for us to talk about our past relationships so we can see what went wrong and what we need to do differently in this relationship.’”

4. He can’t break the string. There are plenty of reasons a guy may stay in touch with his ex, and they aren’t necessarily all bad. “If they have kids in common, they have to be in contact. “If they were together for a long, long time, there’s also some reason for contact.” But if neither situation applies, and he still won’t stop talking to his ex, you should initiate a conversation about her – carefully. “What you don’t want to do is set yourself up against his ex. Here, too, talking to him about his relationship with his ex, and what he thinks he can do better or differently in your relationship. Offering to reach out to the ex yourself, but if he’s not up for that – and if he doesn’t seem compelled to change anything about the current situation, even if it’s making you uncomfortable – that’s a major red flag. “I would slow the relationship down immediately [in those circumstances],” she says. “I’d say, ‘I can’t go further if you’re going to have a relationship with somebody that has to be behind my back.’”

5. He obsesses over the remnants of the relationship. If he’s always checking her Facebook profile or you catch him poring over old pictures, you could also have a problem. “He’s not finished, he hasn’t done his grieving. “You have to understand that if you stay in a relationship with him, you’re going to be part of that grieving process.” When you’re in a relationship you talk about just about everything. Whether it’s work, friends or family, there’s always something to discuss over dinner, and past relationships should be no different. Let him know you’re open to talking about his exes. Discussing this relationship could help him work through his feelings and move forward – and may even bring the two of you closer together.

If your guy hasn’t completely let go of his ex, proceed with caution – but know that your relationship isn’t necessarily a lost cause. He may want to be with you, but needs just a bit more time to deal with his breakup. The key to making it work is both of you being  willing to talk openly about his old relationship and his feelings about his ex. And if, when all is said and done, he just can’t let go, you may have to be the one who moves on.

SOARING OR ROAMING posted by Odeniran Deborah Olamide

  
  I was alone with my thoughts this morning. Looking up to the sky, i caught a glimpse of an eagle and i wondered on how distinct an eagle is amongst all birds. This made me qualify the life of an eagle to that of a chicken. They are birds but there's this glaring difference between them. Both have got wings but there's a limit at which the chicken can fly not compared to the eagle's.
   Mind you, chickens don't fly, they flap, eagles fly. I tried to merge these two birds with we humans and sincerely, most of us fall within either (eagle or chicken) category. Eagles soar high into the sky, chickens roam about aimlessly. Some people have got traits of an eagle in them but they end up acting like chickens, limiting themselves to fly but would rather be at ease with flapping around because of the people they are surrounded with.

    They find it hard to explore that thing in them, they don't look further because they feel they are around the people they need at that moment. Not until you get to realize and accept the fact that this life "is just one man for himself", not until you realize that you alone got to carry the cross of your life alone. Then you'd keep roaming aimlessly, flapping, shaking, acting confused.
One thing i believe in is all human beings have, in higher or lower levels, a creative ability. Infact, coupled with our ability to use tools, our high level of creativity are one of the major characteristics that separates us from other people. 
   You shouldn't give excuses because of what you're passing through as an excuse for you to flock around with chickens. What chances of success would you give a poor woman born in backwoods Mississippi to a single teenage mother, raised in inner city Milwaukee, raped at 9 years of age, then at the age of 14 giving birth to a son who died shortly thereafter. Grim chance, we think but that great woman is a philanthropist who donates billions to families. The Oprah Winfrey show still remains the highest- rated talk show in history.
    Eagles don't fly in flock, you only find them one at a time. You should act distinct, pull yourself off the crowd. Work towards discovering yourself, pull something out of nothing. God himself made out of nothing the things that exist. Creation needs a creator and that creator is you. You can turn your rags to riches and that's only when you decide to "act" and get ready to soar higher.

LIGHTNING UP FAME(CHAPTER 1) posted by Kuti Olumide

The Oracle at Delphi said it clearly “know yourself”. I looked boldly back at them and said “I am Kelvin Abbey, a script writer”.
     Right there, it dawned on me. This is really who I am, no pretense, no struggling, no regret; this is what I am. Any script writer can attest, in the best and luckiest state. Its not that the words came from you but that it came through you, as my heroes sitted in front of me on the conference table smiled at me warmly. Kunle Afolayan stood next to me as I addressed the actors and actresses. He had read my mail after zillions of effort; nothing really comes easily.
    Patience is power. I forged ahead in my presentation, dissecting the script into the smallest detail, explaining each character with so much care. They nod at some major points, they smiled, and they even laughed so hard sometimes. Soon the presentation was over as Kunle walked up to me from the corner he stood, gave me tap on the back and said to the people sitted.“What do you think?” as he smiled.
They all rose from their sit and it was a clapping ovation. Honor is earned, now I understand. As I remembered the part in the holy book that said. “See a man diligent in his works; he shall stand among kings and queens…” We all strolled out of the large conference room in the Golden effect organization. Kunle pulled me back from the side of Ramsey Noah, looked deep into my eyes and said vividly “we are going to make this movie. It is lovely, it has a soul. I mean I could really or almost feel it breathe. Good work Kelvin” he then hurried up to catch up with the actors and actresses. I stood there, as mild tears rolled down my eyes.

     The next few weeks were filled with frantic arguments between me and Kunle about scenes to be omitted and opinions on some other scenes to be added to make it clearer. I was exhausted, seem like I was walking on fumes but Kunle continued, just like the terminator. Weeks later the script was ready, alongside the casting and we were off to the location for the movie.
      Come to me people and listen. Helen Keller once said “life is a daring adventure or nothing”. I do not need to be a fantasy super hero like spider man to have an adventure, although I just let go a long web, held tightly onto it, and then took that long risky swing.
Lucky enough for me I landed on my feet, right in the middle of a dream come true.

FEEL YOUR PRESENCE posted by Kuti Olumide

I feel your presence

as you caress me within the shadows

I feel you spreading throughout my body

loving me the way i need to be loved

I feel your arms wrapped around me tight

as you lay your lips on my fore head

I feel your tender presence

You are everything to me

You are in every laugh i hear

in every smile i see

You are still part of all i do

You are locked tight in my memory (the key is far gone)

You are the dominant player in all my dreams

Part of every good book i read

You are and will be my heart desire.

LIGHTNING UP FAME posted by Kuti Olumide

Prologue:

Like a broken cd, it played continuously on my mind. Nnaa...Nnaa... Naomi. Not just some conventional word, not just a name, it was my heart beat pounding. It wasn’t a thunderous rhyme but yet flowed like a hurricane. Raising up every dead impulse in me. Every impulse that says everything happens for a reason; there just always something awesome out there.

        She came into my life like a stranger’s call, all odds pointing to make it physically wobbly. Speedily but steadily she took her steps, yet with all graciousness she lifted my broken hope and breathe into me. She came to me when I least expected. I was like an outcast, lost and on trail towards destruction. With her grace she made me who I am. I can’t lose her now.

“Please open your eyes” I pleaded mournfully. “I can’t do this without you. I don’t know how to; I don’t even want to. If you can hear me, please move that adorable eye lids of yours. Give me a sign, give me something to work with” my weeps knew no pause. She just laid there, on the hospital bed. She hasn’t moved for days now. Her breathing and all about her was monitored through machines. I sat on the right side of her bed and held on to her hand. I stared at her and she still hasn’t moved that lid of hers, I buried my head softly with my teary face.

       “Please Naomi” I begged. Then she gently moved her hands. I raised up my head and there was that mesmerizing eyes of hers widely open.

“Oh my God, you scared me” I said as I placed a kiss on her soft hand

“You said you will walk away with your heart if I leave you” she left out in a soft but stressed voice. “And I don’t want to lose your heart”

“You wouldn’t” I assured.

And there it was. She gave me a reason to be alive again, a reason to not crawl back into my hole; a reason to breathe. Just like she always does.


The full story begins nextweek

ITS AWESOME

  A very good morning to you dear Reader, as we promised yesterday that we're gon cover up for the past months we haven't able to meet up with the posts.
     Henceforth, we're bringing you something pretty awesome and a very different game entirely. Its a weekly series (continued edition) of short suspense-filled stories which would be posted on Mondays.
I'm sure you can't wait to have a catch of it. No worries!*we got it signed, sealed and *yet to be delivered*
    A beautiful Monday morning to you all, do have a stress-free day ahead. We love you.

HOW TO BE HAPPY: 11 WAYS TO FIND TRUE HAPPINESS.

Most people spend their lives waiting for happiness. They cling to the idea that as soon as they get that job, as soon as they lose those last few pounds, as soon as they’re in a great relationships, then the gates will open and happiness will come rushing on through. Most people are misinformed. Happiness isn’t something that just happens, it’s something you need to actively pursue. True happiness doesn’t come from wealth or beauty or status or anything external, it comes from within.

In order to find true happiness in life, you need to work on yourself and make a few adjustments to the way you live your life. These tweaks are actually pretty simple and if you do it right, you will attain the kind of genuine happiness most people spend their lives pursuing.
Here are 11 tips to find true happiness:

1. Don’t Rely On Other People to Make You Happy. Relying on other people to make you happy will leave you endlessly disappointed. The reason most people feel unhappy in their lives is they expect other people to give them things that they can only give themselves. Think about it- if you continually outsource the task of filling a void and finding happiness, you will never be fully satisfied, instead you’ll be at the mercy of everyone you meet.
Only you can control how happy you are and how you feel about yourself. Stop blaming people for “making” you feel a certain way. Put yourself in the driver’s seat and accept responsibility for your own happiness and your sense of self-worth.

2. Conquer the Green Monster.  Jealousy is one of the most destructive qualities a person can possess. In life you will inevitably come across people who are better looking, more successful, funnier, richer, etc., but who cares? I’m sure you have qualities that they’re lacking. No good can ever come from envying what someone else has, it will just make you bitter and jaded.
 
3. Be Genuinely Happy for Other People.  This relates to not being jealous. If someone you know comes upon some good fortune- an amazing job, an incredible guy, a huge raise–be happy for them. They didn’t take anything away from you, and they probably struggled just like most people do on the quest to get what they want. If you put in the work, you’ll reap the same reward eventually. Remember, blowing out someone else’s candle will not make yours burn brighter.

4. Be Nice to People. You know who’s mean? Unhappy people, that’s who. Happy people feel good about themselves and about life and want to make other people feel good as well. Doing acts of kindness actually causes a chemical reaction that makes you feel really good. You can do little things, like smiling at strangers or giving up your seat on the subway for an old lady, or big things like volunteer work. For extra credit, try not to talk negatively behind someone’s back, or gossip. While it may seem fun, no one ever really feels good about bashing someone else.

5. Be Grateful. There’s a saying that goes: Happiness isn’t having what you want, but wanting what you have. Most of us are trained to look at what’s wrong in our lives, rather than what’s right. We yearn for a better job, a better relationship, better friends, a better body–we hone right on on what’s missing and overlook what’s right there in front of us. Try to change your filter system and instead zoom in on things to be grateful for.

6. Accept That Which You Cannot Change.  There are certain things you can’t change. You can’t change your upbringing, your height, your general appearance. You also can’t change the past. All you can do is move forward and try not to repeat the same mistakes. Don’t waste your energy thinking about what a crappy lot in life you got. Instead, focus on what you have and on how you can develop these qualities to reach your full potential.

7. Do something About That Which You Can Change. If you need to lose weight, hate your friends, are miserable at your job….do something about it! The surest way to feel good about yourself is to push yourself to go beyond what you thought you were capable of. Change isn’t easy, but you only live once and no one is going to live your life for you. It’s up to you to find the strength and motivation to take the steps to get what you want.

8. Let Go of Grudges. There’s a saying that goes: “Holding a grudge is letting someone live in your head rent-free.” When you hold grudges, you’re only hurting yourself. You’re allowing negativity to course through you and you’re keeping yourself stuck in a painful past. Forgive the people who have wronged you and just let it go. Maybe you think they don’t deserve forgiveness. Fair enough. But trust me, harboring feelings of anger and resentment is punishing you more than it is them, so what’s the point?

9. Let the Chips Fall Where They May. It took me a long time to realize that the sky wouldn’t fall if I personally wasn’t holding it up, and it’s a lesson that has changed my life! Most people can’t enjoy their lives because they’re so busy micromanaging every detail. Yes, there is a time to make things happen. There is also a time to just let things happen. Take a breath, loosen up your grip on life, and try to adopt a bit of a laissez-faire attitude.

10. Take Care Of Yourself. When someone is in a rut or in a bad place, one of the first things people will notice is they stop taking care of themselves. They sleep at odd hours, they eat junk, they lay around on the couch watching endless hours of TV, they go days without showering. Happy people take care of themselves. And the more you take care of yourself, the more happiness you’ll experience. It’s a wonderful cycle to get caught up in. Make time for exercise, make an effort to eat healthy, take pride in your appearance. Exercise and healthy eating will noticeably change the way you feel about yourself and will give you an inner glow that radiates outward.

11. Watch the Company You Keep. Oprah once said “Surround yourself only with people who will lift you higher” and this is a mantra I hold by. The people in your life will inevitably have an impact on you. When it comes to friends, quality is always better than quantity. Weed out the negative people in your life who drag you down and spend more time with positive, optimistic people who see the good in you and encourage you to be your best self.