Common Lies People Tell

I don't think I need to start giving a detailed explanation on what a lie is.  The only part I don't get is where people try to create a different perspective to lie.....
I go all "side eyed" when someone is tryna create the impression of there's white and black lie.  Ehn!  If I hear,  Lie na lie and nothing can change the fact.  In fact all route leads to he'll if you tell a blue,  white,  pink lie.
But let's face reality,  some people get to this particular point or do I call it crossroad where they actually feel the best thing they can do is lie just to avoid the other party from getting angry,  or to please that person.  Truth is,  it doesn't work all the time.  
The part that I really can't accept  is give an obvious lie in public.  Give an obvious lie by telling me you're in front of Unilag gate while I'm waiting for you at the gate meanwhile you're either in that Yaba bus stuck in traffic.   Some people na boss for this aspect.  OK!.... So what are the common kinda lies I've heard so far.... 
1. I'm at Yaba when you know that you're actually in that Lekki transit bus to obalende.  Ah!  Some people are wicked o.  Some will even tell you,  "there's traffic in Yaba,  it's so bad that I might have to board bike" .  Just this question please,  will the person kill you if you are actually sincere that you're on your way to obscene? . 

2. The network is bad..... I'm guilty of this though.... Some people do this for so many reasons,  either to avoid a conversation or claim they dialled your line and the network provider said your number wasn't reachable..... Although our naija network providers could be funny but some lies are just so obviously told.  Take it  or  leave it. I actually do it for 2 reasons,  either I'm not in the mood to talk and a random talkative friend calls or when you start asking me questions that I either don't have an answer for that question or I'm not willing to answer .  I end the call with full hopes that the conversation will at least be cut short and it works.  Lool

3. I changed my line,  thus I lost my contact, yours inclusive : people do that a lot..... I easily know if someone doesn't have my contact or not..... The first response I hear depicts that a lot..... Personally,  I'm  very lazy in odd ways.... Lazy when it comes to saving numbers..... Maybe cos I procastinate  when it comes to that. 

4. Hello!  Hello!  Can you hear me? :this 4th point is actually coming from me or perhaps the general  ladylike mentality..... I totally dislike chokers...... I prefer the choker beads to  human beings who derive pleasure in choking me up.  Actually,  I can hear you but I just don't know how to politely tell you that I'm not interested in your talk. So?

5. The traffic Is terrible : we all know that pinky is to brain as lagos is to traffic.... The gods of traffic in lagos just have a way of doing things on the road,  funny part is when some people get surprised that "ehn!  At this time,  there's no traffic at this location.  Kilo shele (what happened) "..... But then a lot of people just find pleasure in hiding under the claws of traffic.....

I'm not tryna sound perfect though but it's better you say " I'm on my way or closeby " instead of using traffic as a cover up.  It doesn't work out fine all the time.  

So what are the common lies you know or you've been told that were not mentioned in the  aforementioned points  above..... I'll love to hear yours.  Kindly share them with me in the comment box.  

Questions I Don't Want To Be asked In 2016

Hiya!
It's some hours to the new year and I'm just too excited cos I'm thankful for the past 365 days so far. 
I'm sure you have a lot to be thankful to God for.  The fact that you're alive,  hale and hearty is one major reason why you should be.
So you see,  there are some kinda questions some people ask and in your head, you'll  be like "how do I answer this person? " it's better you don't even ask me at all..... In fact,  I just don't want be asked those kinda embarrassing questions in 2016...... Questions like :
1. How is school? : ahmean!  I wrote my final exams in UNILAG since December 2014,started my NYSC in April 2015, do you wish me well at all?....  Most times I don't answer these people who ask me such question but in 2016, if you should ask me "how is school ".  Ah! ,  E nor go funny o.

2. No share From the allowee? : for Christ sake I earn 19thousand, 8 hundred naira.  I choose not to write it in digits so most of y'all don't mistake it for one hundred and ninty eight thousand naira.  Ahmean!  It's not fair.  Bank deducts 200 naira from 19k8 monthly,  how much do I have to survive on? 

3.  When will you get married?.: some  primitive naija minded people assume that when you're through with school and  NYSC..... The next thing for you to plan or think of is to get married. 
Worst of all is when you attend a friend's wedding where most of the older guests  knows you. Ah!  It af be for you. 
Ahahn!  Wattapun!  Please Let God's will be done o.  Biko..... LET God's will be done.  Thank you. 

4. So what next after NYSC? : thank you,  I appreciate your concern..... In fact,  that's a very thoughtful question but please don't ask me if  you don't have a job for me,  dont ask me if you want to hold on to my plans after nysc and watch if I'll make a flaw,  don't ask me if you're not my relative/ mentor/close pal.  Please,  just don't ask me.  Instead ask God.

Any other question?  Have people choked you up with  too many embarrassing questions this year?. Please share them with me in the comment box. 

See you next year darling.
xxx

Frenemy

Is there a need to have friends? What’s the need to have friends? Is it a “Have or Die” syndrome? Is friendship overrated or underrated?

You get to meet every Tom, Dick and Harry, engage in a conversation, laugh, share memories exchange numbers and BAM!, the next minute you all go <strong>“MY FRIEND” </strong>coupled with a broad mischievous laugh alongside “onlyGodknowswhatsinyourheart”.

I don’t intend to fickle your thoughts or opinions on this topic but I really can’t deal with the way this word”FRIEND” is personified to every T, D and H.

Personally, I just realized I have lots of friends on social media (of which I’d take my time to make good use of my delete buttons on personal platforms like BBM). With over 100 contacts on BBM, 130 on whatsapp and 527 friends on facebook (of which close to 350+ are unknown), Would I just conclude that they are my friends?. I’m sorry “NO!”.  Just as ori yato sori, same way ore yato sore.

While I was in the orientation camp, I knew these girls in my hostel to be friends. The relationship was so close that I thought they had known each other for so long. A little fight sprung up and BAM! It was time to unleash the dragon. Secrets were out! All the borrow posts parole was leaked. Sincerely, I enjoyed the dramas especially the gists behind every secrets from both parties but I totally disliked the fact that they had to go so far to snitch on each other. “MAKA WHY?”.  It was so serious that one of the female soldiers had to intervene just to let peace reign.  Within me , I’m like “Shuo! Na by force to make friends?”. Guess where they met? At the gate while registering.

Recently, I watched the project Fame Auditions and the kooky acts by some contestants gives me mixed feelings.  While trying to deal with my uncontrollable laughter, the next thing that comes through my mind is “Does this one have a friend?”.

Before I embark on anything, asides God, I discuss it with either my friend or date. This isn’t because I don’t have a mind of my own to take decisions but I need to know the truth. People watch me, they know my flaws, every step I take could seem perfect to me. In my head I could feel as if I’m singing like Celine Deon but out there, only a truth friend knows I sound like a crocodile and of course, a true friend would tell me that.

Imagine those terrible children that disgraced themselves on air, perhaps, they are like me who sounds better than Beyonce in the bathroom but before I dare apply for the audition. I must have told a friend who would tell me “If I’m good to go or better still, work more on my voice”.

This reminds me of when I asked my bro if he could direct me to any studio (cos I really wanted to some recordings). Below is our conversation:

Me: Dami! Do you know if there’s any studio around where I can do some recordings.

Bro: Studiio? I don’t think so. What do you want to do there?

Me: I need to go and record my song. A demo tsha!

Bro: (Laughs) You want to go and sing?

Me: Yes! Don’t you know I sing

Bro: I’ve never heard you sing. Oya sing xef, lemme hear you

That’s a practical example of what a friend should do. A good friend should be:

Always ready to accept you(GOD! FAMILY! GOD!)
Trustworthy and genuine (I have a friend who is always genuine to me with my looks. If my cream is having this harsh reactions on my face and I’m turning white. She’d go all @Deb, you look like a ghost”. That could sound harsh but that’s what a real friend would do. Shoutout to Bash!.
Your ride or die G (Always there through the toughs, ups and downs! Shoutout to my darling bae. I don’t mean to be prideful (hehe!) but He knows I’m an asset. LOL
Your judge, adviser and critic (I was in the studio last week Tuesday and all my voice could bring out was rubbish! Instead!| this dear friend kept telling me what to do. I kept hitting myself hard to say something rather than waste time. I messed up that day but then, this friend helped me out. I’ve posted some topics on here through his help and advice. Big hugs to Jeezy!)
Your gist mate( This is Someone you can tell anything, nasty gists and little gossips. Mrs Ayandeyi and Flore! I love you guys always )
Supportful
Know what you can and can’t do (Back In my UnderG days, There are times my friend goes out to have fun, comes back and start gisting me. When I get angry for her not calling me cos I almost died of boredom, she’d go all “I know sey na where you no fit go, can you go with me next time when I call you” and I’d be all nba! I no do. A friend should be able to vouch for you)
Full of humour
Someone who can call you “stupid” and it sounds hilarious to you : You cant just call me “Ode” for nothing, the next minute its either I lash my tongue at you or climb a chair to give you a dirty slap. (I have so many nicknames(I wont mention all). But All thanks to  my friends. (Nobody calls me “Sniper” better than her…..)
After all is typed and read, Do you still need a Friend?