How To Gradually Say Goodbye To Body Odour

The worst smell anyone can have is body odour and mouth odour.  Mouth odour might not be known to all till you open your mouth to speak but body odour!,  Ah! it's more like every where you go. 
Let me just be real here,  you know the way wey fly dey take gather around shit,  that's how body odour seems to be.  I learnt everyone has a particular smell either good or bad (don't know how true it is) but I know I smell fresh all day all time. LOL. How about you?
Body odour could make one miss so many good things,  could make people resist that smelly person for no reason, could even be a turnoff for that girl you wanna woo (toast for better understanding.  Lol).  Which girl no like better thing before? .  It only takes a good friend to stay with you in times like this and it takes a genuine friend to be sincere enough to tell you that you don't have a nice smell..  Lol.
This is what happens to most people with  body odour,  they tend to be the most friendly people but realize they're shunned or snubbed.  If you notice you're snubbed a lot of times from different people all the time or you don't have friends that have stayed with you for so long,  check ya self .  Hehe. 
During my NYSC days,  there's this colleague / corper who whenever she sits besides me and controls her handfan to my direction,  I literally hold my breath. 
Why? Cos the most terrible  way to die is by suffocating in one's smell. 
Did I tell her?  No,  because I didn't know how she'll feel.
Truth is most of us (the smelles) find it difficult to tell them (the smellers) cos of fear of how they'll react?,  how they'll feel?,  can they accept your advice and all?.  Yeah!  I've been there,  smelt that.  Lool.
So here are ways to either reduce or gradually  end that history to body odour.  Remember,  Persistence is key:
1. Shave and Scrub :
That armpit and your public area is one vital part of your body that should be given detailed attention.  Once the hair starts springing out ,  get some shaving stick or hair removal (any one that works for you ) and ensure you Scrub all the time. 

2. Personal Hygiene is Key:
Asides the armpit scrubbing and all.  Your body needs that care and attention.  Some people can smell fresh all day without having their bath twice while some needs to shower thrice daily to maintain that freshness.  I know things are hard and the hustle is real but you could still have a feel of freshness after having a tedious day at work. 

3. Avoid Sweating:
Some people sweat too much that you could literally see a well drawn map of Nigeria on their shirt around their armpit area.   I don't know why.  Worst thing is when they sweat,  they don't care about the next person sitting beside them(I try to avoid sitting beside people like these in the commercial bus) ,  they don't even care to get an handkerchief to wipe off their body.  That's how the sweat dries on their skin leaving a terrific odour.  Please know how your body reacts  and avoid doing things that'll make you sweat. If it means owning 2 or more hand towel,  please do.  I realize whenever I'm in a rush,  I sweat. For the love of my makeup,  I remain calm and try to avoid the rush.

3. Avoid Cheap Perfumes/ Spray:
I'm not saying you shouldn't own smart collections and all.  I use smart collections too and it's less than 500 or even 400 at least.  We know there are cheap perfumes that you dare not use cos they'll leave a terrible smell on you.  All those kinda mallam perfumes that could make you puke even before you step out, please stop eeet. 
You could smell good with collections like smart,  rexona,  color me,  urban e.t.c. I could make an endless list of them.

4. Invest In Anti Perspirant :
These products will help keep the underarms dry and  non-sweaty for a while.  For those of yall that sweat a lot.  Get some very good anti Perspirant like sure,  dove,  nivea,  even some body sprays could serve as anti Perspirant.  All these are easy if only you could give this a try. 

5. Never ignore the Magic in those perfumes : All what I mentioned are not complete till you own a perfume.  Please,  get soft smelling ones and not the one that'll knock you out once you spray it once.  Remember you're dealing with body odour,  a strong smelling perfume could either mix up with the body odour or milden it.  The choice is yours tho. You don't have to break the bank to smell good.  You could get perfumes worth 1k or 1500 that will last all day ranging from smart collections (I prefer Joop) ,  Color me (any choice cos they're in varieties) ,  new musk (male or female) e.t.c. If you want to step up your game,  you could get Elizabeth Aiden,  Adidas,  Brown Orchid e.t.c.

6. Stop bleaching :
Most people don't know that bleaching makes one have a bad odour but it truly does.  Please stop it.  Love your skin color.  Someone out there wish he / she has your skin color. 

Here are the easy ways to avoid or gradually reduce body odour. 
How have you dealt with someone around you that has/ had body odour?
Did you spill it out or just kept mute?
Share your experience with me. 

Ladies, Here Are Major Things That Turn Men Off

Fashion shouldn't be what needs to be explained to a 21st century lady,  even toddlers and teens know better.  Everybody Don tear eye.  

As ladies, some of us dress to impress, some dress in line with what's trending,  others just dress their mood, while some dress to please themselves.

Feature Post: The Fear Of Being Single

I've be wanting to pen down my thoughts on the Fear of being single for a while now, I just couldn't find the right time, right mood and right frame of mind. Until today...Until This very Minute... Wondering what triggered the thoughts... And then I realized am actually living my fears right now..

Entrepreneurs Corner : What You Need To start A Business.

Just this morning I thought of starting something new on my blog.  I had to think of giving it a general title as "entrepreneur's corner". 
Today, we're talking about how to start a business.  With the situation of the economy and the high rate of unemployment in the country,  I won't advise you to sit back,  relax,  send CVs,  attend interviews and chill for your " congratulatory letter " from the firm. 

Social Media Craze(Series 4)

So,  this platform  is a photo/video sharing  app  .....
Instagram seems to be one of the top social media platform where you find people there for different purpose.  Some are there to upgrade their business audience and of course get clients by showcasing their products or business ,  while some are just there to set P(do I need to explain what setting P means?.) , some are also there to show off. .... Oops!  I need not explain all.  So from my own point of view, below are the different categories of people on Instagram. 

Questions That Turns Me off on a First Date

We tend to meet people everyday either coincidentally or anyhow you can tag it ....  There's this syndrome of first date (meeting the person ) .
Meeting people through this first date / chat determines your interest on how you really want the relationship to be.  Personally,  if I don't get to like you on a first date/

Common Lies People Tell

I don't think I need to start giving a detailed explanation on what a lie is.  The only part I don't get is where people try to create a different perspective to lie.....
I go all "side eyed" when someone is tryna create the impression of there's white and black lie.  Ehn!  If I hear,  Lie na lie and nothing can change the fact.  In fact all route leads to he'll if you tell a blue,  white,  pink lie.
But let's face reality,  some people get to this particular point or do I call it crossroad where they actually feel the best thing they can do is lie just to avoid the other party from getting angry,  or to please that person.  Truth is,  it doesn't work all the time.  
The part that I really can't accept  is give an obvious lie in public.  Give an obvious lie by telling me you're in front of Unilag gate while I'm waiting for you at the gate meanwhile you're either in that Yaba bus stuck in traffic.   Some people na boss for this aspect.  OK!.... So what are the common kinda lies I've heard so far.... 
1. I'm at Yaba when you know that you're actually in that Lekki transit bus to obalende.  Ah!  Some people are wicked o.  Some will even tell you,  "there's traffic in Yaba,  it's so bad that I might have to board bike" .  Just this question please,  will the person kill you if you are actually sincere that you're on your way to obscene? . 

2. The network is bad..... I'm guilty of this though.... Some people do this for so many reasons,  either to avoid a conversation or claim they dialled your line and the network provider said your number wasn't reachable..... Although our naija network providers could be funny but some lies are just so obviously told.  Take it  or  leave it. I actually do it for 2 reasons,  either I'm not in the mood to talk and a random talkative friend calls or when you start asking me questions that I either don't have an answer for that question or I'm not willing to answer .  I end the call with full hopes that the conversation will at least be cut short and it works.  Lool

3. I changed my line,  thus I lost my contact, yours inclusive : people do that a lot..... I easily know if someone doesn't have my contact or not..... The first response I hear depicts that a lot..... Personally,  I'm  very lazy in odd ways.... Lazy when it comes to saving numbers..... Maybe cos I procastinate  when it comes to that. 

4. Hello!  Hello!  Can you hear me? :this 4th point is actually coming from me or perhaps the general  ladylike mentality..... I totally dislike chokers...... I prefer the choker beads to  human beings who derive pleasure in choking me up.  Actually,  I can hear you but I just don't know how to politely tell you that I'm not interested in your talk. So?

5. The traffic Is terrible : we all know that pinky is to brain as lagos is to traffic.... The gods of traffic in lagos just have a way of doing things on the road,  funny part is when some people get surprised that "ehn!  At this time,  there's no traffic at this location.  Kilo shele (what happened) "..... But then a lot of people just find pleasure in hiding under the claws of traffic.....

I'm not tryna sound perfect though but it's better you say " I'm on my way or closeby " instead of using traffic as a cover up.  It doesn't work out fine all the time.  

So what are the common lies you know or you've been told that were not mentioned in the  aforementioned points  above..... I'll love to hear yours.  Kindly share them with me in the comment box.  

Lessons 2015 Has Taught Me

It's 5 days countdown to the new year already .  I feel I'm growing older already cos instead if feeling too excited about the new year,  I give myself this  quick flashback on how the outgoing year has been for me. 

It's Christmas Baby

Merry Christmas to you all.  I'm glad we are alive to witness another year of celebrating Christ.
Remember that he is the reason for the season,  that's enough reason for the celebration to be Christlike.
Do have a funfilled day.
A big thanks to my dearest readers, you all are the merry in my Christmas(I can't wait to post lessons 2015 has taught me and I believe 2016 is gon be a lit year for us

) .
I still remain your girl,  Debra.
#kisses

Let It Out

Call me paranoid but issues like this get to me. Arim calls me heartless for leaving him. After her various pleas asking me to endure,I couldn't. He ripped what I have left called a heart with the stench of that ache. Even if I was going to endure,for how long? Call it trivial but just like rudiments, they make the soup of this relationship taste better. I have

managed to pull through this relationship coated with lies but that ache - oh that ache- broke the camel's back. First it was Iyef,the replacement he got when we had an argument. After three hours of screaming and heated arguments,his joystick needed soothing so he got her. A cleaner he met coincidentally at the cinema where we just had a fight was picked up to clean up the debris of our situationship. Sounds more like she puked over the relationship because things grew really ugly afterwards. Iyef after that night became his friend,how do u explain that? Arim,I endured that,but not this.
    My only escape route in this argument is to remain on the phone; ping someone,poke Ada,tweet at Ejiro,Tag Tola,just remain on the phone else that ache's stench will hit you like a punch in the face. It wouldn't leave you just bleeding,it would also wipe your memory. Gunse has chosen not to understand and I've been trying my best to tone down the 'bluntness'. Gunse is always upset whenever I'm on the phone. He claims it's rude but every girl knows that its an escape route that saves lives. Whenever his gist and jokes are dry,or he's really bad looking, pick your phone and keep texting. He'd shut up and focus. It does the trick all the time except with Gunse. The phone triggers the verbosity in him and worsens the situation. I noticed the sour taste when I kissed him goodnight,some days back. I ignored,hoping that it should come from the previous meal. Truth be told,Gunse kept dropping hints which probably sent the 'stay away' signal but I kept creating excuses for him. A break could have saved us,but NO,we kept pushing. The other day,we went to this great restaurant, after a scrumptious meal,Gunse began to suck his teeth. Initially I thought it was a reaction out of disgust for something,but it wasn't. He was digging deep trying to get this particle out of his teeth. Aina,you saw this and still made excuses. This went on for a week and I kept my calm until this fateful day. He decides to take Rachael to the movies and home afterwards without my knowledge. At the box office,he stares at me as if he had seen a ghost. I was here with my cousin to see this same movie. I ignore him and greet this heavily painted almost naked aunt by his side. I decide to go hone with my cousin after the movie,in peace,but he decides to have a conversation that day. The first statement came out with that spoilt egg mixed with soured egusi sort of smell. Till this moment,I can't remember what he said. All I found myself doing was reaching out for my phone. 
             "Aina,I'm talking and you are still texting..."
I wish I could ask him what that smell was,but I couldn't find the courage to. At one instance when I complained about the smell,he claims he visited the dentist. From that moment,the feigned sweetness stopped. I'm still texting and he begins his unconscious confession;
               "Why won't I go out with Rachael when you are always on the phone?
                Who are you texting when I'm seated here...
                Only God knows if you have been faithful...
" Faithful" was the last thing I remember he said before my outburst;
                 " I have held this for too long
           I can't take it anymore
           I could handle the lies,if they were mimed
           And not spoken from your mouth
           Cos anytime your jaw moves,I become scared
           Pls visit the dentist if you ever want to see me..."
I walked out,shut the door of his car,and life.

Sonia is a student of English, University of Lagos. She loves reading,movies and hanging out with friends. She enjoys scribbling(as she doesn't look at her works as real writings). She could be reached on Chicutie2009@yahoo.com.

Social Media Craze (Series 3 )

I signed up on this platform a year ago or there about and I wasn't so active on it.  Recently,  I just see myself active on the platform cos since I signed up on LinkedIn,  I've been less active.
Do I like LinkedIn?.  No!  I don't like it.  Gosh!  I love LinkedIn..... Maybe cos I've got one of the best connects tho.  LOL.  But seriously,  no hype about LinkedIn .  I love it.  Less show off..... I mean,  no show off.... Jes business minded people sharing posts/ pictures related to whatever is of great/good value to them and of course,  their connects. No silly updates like "chilling in hell'egusi" (Eeeer!  sorry!  I meant elegushi) or "steaming in my jacuzzi"
I love LinkedIn for the fact that:
1. You snoop around,  you're caught: Let me just give you this Lil advice for free.  It's not the best place to stalk on someone.  LOL.  I'm a real G when it comes to stalking..... I got an A grade in stalking without formal education/training.  Loool.  Jokes aside,  you get notified of everything on LinkedIn..... Everything about your connect.....latest updates / info which is  also of great/Lil relevance to either you or your connect. 

2. No Dramas: believe me when I say "No dramas".  Iono if it has to do with the kinda connect one has tho but I've not seen raunchy or illicit pictures of books, car selfie or some jagbajantis stylestyle showoff.  Naah! Haven't and I don't wanna have all that drama on that platform.

3. Everyone's a professional : I've been on LinkedIn with my profile as "a student at University of Lagos "  and then,  this friend of mine called me and jamisi that "ahahn,  Deborah this blog you've taken as part time unstable  job,  you can't even tag yourself as a blogger on a well recognised platform like linkedin. "
With all what she said.... I realized I had to change my profile(I'm lazy when it comes to editing profiles on these platforms .... Does the world care to know bou me through that?. ) .  I feel this is the part LinkedIn makes you categorise your job in a well professionalized manner..... In other ways making it seem posh..  If you're an eleran,  just rephrase it in a posh way..... More like "an expert in butchery".  Duuuh! 

4. No followers, just connects : I'm tired of the follow follow syndrome on some social media platforms.... I jes pray some people don't follow their followers to hell one day #jessayin tho....  Regardless of the fact that you tend to follow some people and they choose not to follow you.  LinkedIn has created the platform in a better way to connect with people of same business platform (or whichever way you term it) with you so you could at least interact better.  I've communicated with few people through LinkedIn (one of which I suspected faked his profile cos I did a follow up on Google.  Trust me I'd pass as an FBI agent  .  Lool).
Conclusively, I'd say LinkedIn is the one of the very best platform  to be.... Less dramas,  no showoffs and for the Android users,  the best way to use your megabyte and gain something (at least vacancy).

Are you on LinkedIn? ..... If you think we need to connect,  my name still remains Deborah Odeniran  :)

Social Media Craze (1)

I thought of starting a series post that'll  be featured on the blog for a month(I. E 4 posts of same topic in 4weeks).  Cool thoughts,  right?  I'd start with this social media post and try to get updated with the series thingy in subsequent month.
Social media  are computer-related tools that allow people create, share or exchange information, career interests, ideas, and pictures/videos in virtual communities and network through the use of Internet. 
In a way I'd say it's abused,  the use of social media has gone way beyond what it's intended for..... Most of us get informed in one way or the other through most of these social media platforms while others choose to give us personal information that's  of less benefits or use to us.
One of the reasons why I dislike it,  I try to avoid going to some platforms  it but I still find myself scrolling through my time line...... Giggling at that funny meme,  admiring that cute couple I just saw on Belle naija, liking / retweeting that bad Belle/ hilarious post on Twitter..... I've  had enough!..... Or do I say I jes can't get enough..... Oh well! 
Can I deal?  Yes!. 
Do I enjoy the dramas?.  Maybe/ maybe not *rollseyes*
Do I want more drama?  Of course,  I could be a good story teller to those who missed it. 
Do I love the DMs,  Inbox messages?  Hell, No! *straight face *
I'm sure most of us have had a bit of crazy experience on one of these platforms,  if not all. 
I've got weekly series of my thoughts on these different platforms.  Starting with Facebook down to Google +.  I'd only give a detailed write up on platforms of which I've had crazy experience with different species of higher animals. 
This is just to let you know I'm game for this post cos  I've got  a prepared write up on my experience on these platform ranging from Facebook,  Twitter,  IG,  whatsapp,  BBM,  Gmail,  google+, LinkedIn,  blogger.  Just can't wait to share some of my experience on each of these platform.  Of course,  I'd air my views on so many things I wish could be installed / activated on each of these platforms.
WHICH PLATFORM DO I NEED TO GIVE A TRY?
For now, YouTube and Periscope.
I'm not active on snapchat.....  I only opened an account but had issues on how to go about it,  I just woke up one morning and deleted the app (I need space for movies abeg) .
  Periscope is what I'd really love to give a try,  I'd definitely open a Periscope account one day(learnt it's good for bloggers,  I'd give it a try tsha ).  I know YouTube is eagerly waiting for  an Aspiring presenter like me,  I still owe me an account on YouTube. 
So which platform do you need to give a try ?  Share them with me in the comment box

Do have a stress less and fulfilled week.
Happy New month in advance.
Debra

Caught In The Act.

Yesterday was one of  those crazy days. If a seer had revealed yesterday's incident before hand,  I'd have gone all "tufiakwa /olorunmaje in my head"  thinking this one dey profess bad thing.  What would have happened if he came into my room too?  Hol up! Hol up!  Let's not imagine cos I don't even wanna imagine.  Chai!
So I and my friend left the room past 9 for CDS(as usual).  We got back to the lodge tired and all..... Just before I go further(there are 3 rooms in the boys quarter Lodge for corpers.  My neighbour stays in the first room,  middle room is empty while I live in the 3rd room*you Gerrit? *.  
Just assume you're watching a seasonal movie briefed into a blog post (you need to see how I've created a joke out of it cos I knew Daniel and I'd have to explain to countless people..... Maybe he should jes record the incident on a tape,  play to whoever wanna listen, then at the end of every season.... (pause the recording) ...just to make my audience anxious..... (then they request for season two),  I do a hit intro by dancing (end season 2) (pause the recording)  Then they request for season 3....and I do a final dance..choi)

(Season 1)
My friend sat down opposite the first room while I searched for my key (I'm very nonchalant when it comes to Lil things.... Forgot my keyholder + bunch of keys in lagos,  alarooro wouldn't allow me buy another keyholder just for one key.  And yes!  I'm used to being carefree with my door,  would leave for the market without locking it.... Distance to the market Is like yaba to yaba tech /unilag Junction or let's say ikeja underbridge to Allen roundabout. ).  Brought out my phones,  note pad ,  everything in my bag cos I was looking for a key o(those things that can't talk) .  Saw my office key in the bag,  I assumed it should unlock the padlock since it's the same brand(I did it during undergrad days wella) .
Went to my door,  my office key didn't unlock it and then I dipped my hand into the back pocket of my khaki only to find the key there(that thing can pain ehn). 
Unlocked the padlock and went back to arrange all what I had removed from my bag.  (remember that my friend was still sitting opposite the  first room o and yes!  We were gisting while I was searching for the key and all).  While arranging the stuffs back into my bag ,  my neighbour came (dude never comes back early after cds is over). 
(Season 2)
I wasn't so surprised anyways(change is a constant thing) , after the exchanging of pleasantries,  he went to the door and noticed the padlock wasn't there.
Dude: I no lock my room door?.  E be like sey I lock am now
Me: why you go lock am when you no get money inside (I've got a smart assed mouth)
Dude: ( opens door,*sees a strange guy*)  just stay there (shuts his door within a second,  but wait?.  How dyu expect a thief to still stay there when he's caught.... Den dey bargain with thief?)
As a sharp girl who was behind my neighbour,  I tried to fix the padlock of my room into his door shutter so we could lock the thief inside.  The next thing we saw was a door pushed with force coming towards our faces(we didn't so end locking the thief ) .  Tried to hit my padlock on his head while he ran away but it missed his head cos he was too fast. 
Before I could say (jaaaa(holup) I haven't  said JACK yet).  Dude was chasing the thief....
That's how the Olympic games began as If we were on a competition with naija top runner,  shit!  I ran...... I'm the least person who can run to save her life but mhen!  I knew I raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan (did the number of a's quantify how I ran? ) ......
The Thief led us to his waterloo by leading us to the main road..... Luckily for us,  a van was parked(guess the occupants in the van were waiting for someone...... Perhaps us! ).  Trust us,  we shouted thief!  Ole!!  (I think we forgot to shout barawo(thief in hausa) )..... 
The guys who were in the van heard us and weree at alert waiting for the thief to come close by(see action film) .....  The Thief ran into the bush and then It's high time I took a pause . ...... I stopped running cos I was sure he's gon be caught..... I had to rush back to my room to lock it cos I hate missing serious scenes in seasonal movies(I don't like to be told..... I want to see it happen) .....(end of Season 2)

(Season 3)
Got back to the road and saw his face a bit soaked in his own blood.  I see pictures of this on social media and  blogs but I saw this one live without wasting MB(lol). 
My friend went to the police station and came back.... Twas then I knew the Nigerian Police force needed to up their game.  They came without handcuffs(where do you we find a cop arresting without handcuffs?  Only in Nigeria. obviously they had no handcuffs). I don't think he was arrested..... Yes!  Cos he looked tie-rrested (chill!  You'd under that phrase: tie-rrested ) . Oh!  I forgot to tell y'all that they came with a bike,  commercial bike o and told my friend to pay,  a corper to pay from his 19k650 allowee that's almost finished...... 
The police officer used the thief's trouser to tie his hands and he was taken to the police station(you get the tie-rrested drift)..... I followed them o(i still don't like to be told ),  I must see the end of this seasonal movie, between that's the first time I'd ever enter a station tsha, thus,  the adrenaline in my curiosity increased. 
My stay at the station made me see so many things that got me pissed about women (that should be another  blog post.....  But I really must say this.... Ladies pls y'all need to step up ya game.....  Don't watch yourself date a useless guy let alone marry him...... I can't even deal with a cheat let alone a useless man.  NBA!  Marriage is for better for worse..... A criminal is forever a criminal.  It can't be erased from the record)
So as I was saying before the "mantalk" interrupted my gist...... I'm glad for so many things
I was glad searching for my key delayed us from entering my room else the thief woulda either escaped or come to my room and make a big deal outta us(see free black Thursday without online transaction)
If he had come to my room earlier before my neighbour's own ,  he'd only fume In anger and just decide to package the edikaikon I had left or perhaps get busy sucking out the periwinkle from the shell.  The only thing that'd pain me is that I'd have to arrange my room(cos he turned my friends room upside down) .
If my room was the first target,  he'd have escaped the moment we notice someone is inside cos my windows has got no burglary fixed to it. 

*One thing I learnt is for us to be vigilant, if you pass through your neighbours house and notice his door is open.... Calling out his name just to say hi while walking past wouldn't deduct a cent from your account.  We didn't notice his door had no padlock and we stayed there gisting for  close to 4 minutes. 
*I also believe Yesterday was his destined day to be caught cos my key delayed me out there,  if not he'd have sneaked away and I might be the one to start petting my NYSC boo(LOl)
Worst of all is, the thief was just a hungry one desperately in need of anything.  He packaged my friends power bank,  phone,  hard disc drive,  Jeans,  nice shirts,  boxers o(cos I knew he bought new boxers the day before yesterday,  I'm sure they're part of it.  LoL)  and squeezed them into my friends laptop bag. See packaging?. 

Henceforth,  even if I'm walking just a stone throw..... I gotta lock my door (I hardly lock my door even when I go to the market cos I used to believe my area is safe.... but not again. )

Have you ever caught a thief red-handed?.  Have you ever been robbed?..... I love stories,  pls gist me in the comment box......

PS: (I promised to hit up some blogs last week,  my hands are full...... I'd definitely do that and cover up on those interesting posts  I've missed on your blog. )

Below are awesome photo shoot of the segzy (sexy) thief 

Here And Now

Here and Now, I fall to my death
Although it’s all I have pictured since I was nine
Not because people tagged me as an elf
But cos of the empty and useless years within myself

Here, mother was at each reach
A place of solace with every gaze upon her face
With her words of inspiration galloping through my veins
Oh life! Oh dear! What beautiful happiness that breathes
Now, I yearn for mother and she is no more there
The one that leads me through self epiphany has been taking by a fierce sphere
A hole in the heart the doctor said it was
More of a hole in my heart, as she fades to dust
There is just a natural imbalance which seems to forbid me any real chance at happiness

So now brings us to here, in this stormy intermix
An astonishing force causing all souls to be in a fierce gamble
Some souls never win, some never loose
But we are here tonight, that’s all that matters

Here and now, you keep reading
Here and now, I die without really living
Here and now, to me, is nothing but a mirage

By…Kuti Olumide

NYSC Orientation Camp Experience : EBONYI State

I wouldn't forgive myself if I don't upload the crazy  experience I had at the NYSC orientation camp,  afikpo North,  Ebonyi state to be precise(LOL). .
My experience at the orientation camp  is just to let you know reality and get you off the fairy tale /liesssssss that "orientation camp is fun ". 
Yes!  Orientation camp could be fun in Lagos,  Ogun,  Oyo ,  Abuja,  I heard of portharcourt and Akwa Ibom(dunno how genuine the info is) . 
If you think same is applied to ebonyi state,  scratch that off your head and get geared up for the opposite part of fun. 
The opposite part of fun woulda been better only if the military men didn't  pour Sandsand in someone's garri. 
I'd give you details on the little research I made before camp, how my 21 days experience during the orientation was and life after campaign .

Research
I was surprised when my friend actually told me I was posted to ebonyi (cos I was busy at work) ......  I totally forgot that place existed,  thank God for the state and capital recitation I did back then in primary school (sure we all recited that.  LoL).  Next thing I did was make findings on the distance from Lagos to ebonyi. 
I was born and bred in lag,  my first trip to the east shouldn't be a terrific one.  I Learnt it's a 9 hour journey to afikpo North,  It's OK for a road trip I thought but that was just one of those lies.  The estimated distance from lagos to ebonyi is 10 -  12 hours (Roger that!).  It all depends on the driver cos mine stopped at almost every T  Junction asking for the right direction.  That day was something else. 
For first timers,  I'd advice you go to the nearest Park and check out for Okeyson (I wasn't paid to do this ).  Trust me,  they have a park close to the NYSC camp and might consider driving  you to the orientation camp if majority of the occupants in the bus are prospective corpers.  Left lagos past 9am, got to ebonyi state some few minutes past 11pm.

Welcome Party
We were so famished and tired to the mouth that as we struggled to drag our luggage,  we totally ignored the military men at their security stand(Did we even see them? ).  That was the biggest mistake ever. The next thing I heard was "hey!  Otondo!,  come back here".  We all did and the first task was for us to sit on the bare ground..... We did that for close to 20 minutes before they allowed us go only with the condition of carrying that heavy luggage on our heads.  Wicked right?.  They got no mercy on bloody civilians like us.  You think there's more to the welcome party?,  the suffering just began dearie.  That was our welcome party.  Our luggage was checked at the security stand and luckily for us,  we got a bed to sleep...... I was more lucky cos 2 course mates of mine (a lady and I ) was posted to same state.  We did everything together. 

DAY 1
Woke up the next day only to realize the room was more like a lecture hall.  It occupied close to 60 corpers with bunks placed side by side.   The registration procedure was stressful..... Please you don't have to make 50 or 20 photocopies,  all that ain't needed. Make close to 7 photocopies each,  your school I'd card, call up letter,  statement of result/certificate are one of the most important documents needed..... Any other necessary document should be detailed on your call up letter.  You'd use not more than 6 passport on camp.  So just make 14 copies.  I made close to 30 copies of passport and I still have them dwelling in my portfolio(not bad though).

PLATOON
After the registration,  I found myself in platoon 1. Was it FUN? .  yes!!!!!!!  Eeeer no oooo! Seriously speaking,  camp woulda been fun  if we were not forced to do everything.  I wished I could fast forward early morning parades..... Shit!  Twas baaad. 

LIGHTS OUT!
We were controlled to the extent that once it's 10pm, the light goes off.  The soldiers would go around the hostel to punish/chase erring corpers.  Twas so bad that they didn't even want to see a blink of light. 

Why?
Trust me when I say ;This ain't the best caption but then,  can those ladies who plaster their face with makeup on camp tell me why they do that?.  I'm not saying you shouldn't makeup (I'm a makeup artist....  Duuuh! ) but doing things that would perhaps damage your face considering the harsh weather you're forced to stay is totally out of it.  You'd see girls wake up to bath at 4am, then from 4 30am to 5am, they're still painting!......  For who?  Because of why now?  Most annoying is when they wake up with eyeshadow looking so excess on their face turning them to a funny monk. 

KITCHEN
I used to be a mammy market customer not until my pocket started dwindling.  Had to make good use of my ticket o but I skipped meals like beans,  yam porridge,  their transparent tea with 1/2 life,  what else?  And yes,  their bread......  Sunday was rice and chicken,  the size of that meat(not chicken)  is enough to remind you that Now Your Suffering Continues (NYSC)  till the next 11 months,  so manage. 

LECTURES
Don't make the mistake of forgetting your face cap Abi na headgear (dey dey call am)  when going for lectures.  That's a 70% guarantee that you'd sleep without disturbance from those men in green multicoloured khaki.  Lecture was boring asides the part where they taught us a song in their language....  Twas fun cos we murdered it in our own way....... All I heard was "who be destroyer?. I no know ",  (I no know was actually meant to be ai lo lo...... Figure out the rest) .....  LOL

BE MONEY CONSCIOUS
Believe me when I say they've got no Atm stand in that camp.  After wasting my time at the car park in Lagos,  I had to withdraw Lil money cos it's not safe travelling with cash around.  The Lil cash I deducted was my saving grace for the first week till the bicycle allowance was given to us.  This is just for all those guys that like spending their money at the beer parlour and on girls.....  You still got a life to live after camp.  I pity you if only you know the kinda life that 1 year stipend, they call allowee would do.

REDEPLOYMENT
If you want to redeploy,  just prepare the necessary documents needed that would serve as a genuine reason why you should be considered (marriage certificate or doctor's report on health grounds ).   Those soldiers ain't  got nothing to offer when it comes to redeployment,  I've heard stories of how dumb some girls were that they had to open their legs for these men on top redeployment matter.  Please wise up and do what's right o, you might be considered.  If you wanna go through agents that would work it for you...... Pinch your skin  and remind yourself that there are still dubious hungry people in naija......  They'd tell you they know someone in Abuja even when   they don't even have a relative based there let alone a friend.....  Wise up!  I lost 10k to this parole and  a friend of mine  dashed out 30k. She was angry but got more angry when the guy didn't pick up.    A boo oro laa nso fomo luabi (a word is enough for the wise)

ALL SHADES OF ........
Don't be surprised when you realize that you'd  be leaving camp with 2 or 3 shades of skin colour.....  If on a norms,  you always have blackhead, expect a darker shade.  That white shorts during the orientation exercise is just a margin line to giving your leg a beautiful darker shade from your real colour.  Thank God for the weave I wore on camp.  My forehead was secured from the shackles of darkness and brighter than my face sef.....  The bae had to buy my soap and serum before I got back home. 

LIFE AFTER ORIENTATION CAMP
Your posting letter would be issued to you on the last day,  and those whose redeployment process worked out successfully will find their names on the list.  I was posted to a school,  visited my PPA,  did the necessary documentations and left the third day.   Accommodation wasn't an issue cos church fellowships turned up to assist us.  If your Ppa has a Lodge,  you might be directed to the lodge. 

So how was your camp experience like?,  was yours fun filled from day 1 till the last day? . Please share with me through  the comment box,  I'm so eager to know. 

P.S

IF you're posted to ebonyi state:

1. Ensure your shorts don't have side pockets.  

2. No but shorts allowed(you wouldn't want to be disgraced in public) 

3. Withdraw some cash that will be enough to sustain you for a short while.  They got no ATM stand. 

4. Get some drugs to deal with cough..... Cough spreads like shii on camp.  I had cough all through my stay. 

5. Be prepared for the hustle.  

Lie Lie Question

Njokwa o my people,  how was your weekend?.  I hope you didn't get to experience "my kind of weekend" (boredom galore). 
No I didn't ignore that word,  I know someone would go all "what does the first word in this post mean (and she didn't even translate it in bracket) ? "..... Well,  jokwa is the general greeting here...... Morning,  afternoon,  night,  midnight sef na jokwa (is jokwa). 
Those of us in the western part of the country  know that you have to get acquainted with  different greetings in relation the time of the day(ekaaro, ekaason, eku role, ekaale ).  Kaprish!.
So,  jokwa is a word that signifies respect in form of greeting. 
This is where the lielie question comes in.  Does any one even have a clue of what lie lie question means?. 
Lie lie question(to me) means asking a question that you already know the answer,  but you just want to ask for question sake. 
(e.g:. You see me cooking and you ask "are you hungry? " .  Why should I cook if I'm not hungry*rollseyes*.
                              OR
You're going to an eatery to buy shawarma and you ask "should I get one for you",  even when you know I wouldn't turn down such request)*sideeye*. 
That's what lielie question means. 
Leggo! There's this aged woman who walks through the front of my room every weekend and when I greet her,  it's either I'm getting ready for church,  brushing my teeth or giving myself the face beat.
There's this day,  I was actually rushing up with my makeup (cos I do it close to the door for me to have a feel of the fresh air),  and then the conversation begins,  let's call her mama

Mama:(sees me from afar)  Nne...... Adanma (smiles)
Me: jokwa ma
Mama: Jokwa (smiles)  Itetewo o
Me:(gives a funny look even though I know what it means )
Mama: (translates Itetewo thinking I don't know what it means ) You don wake?. Itetewo o
Me: ( smiles back) *in my head I ask myself if this kind of question should be answered*

Again,  In my head,  I go all...... Does someone in her sleep,  get brush,  foundation and powder to makeup while sleeping? .
Worst of all is this woman at MY PPA,  you see me well dressed going to sign and you ask me "Itetewo o".
This is one lielie question I can't deal with,  especially from the ebonyians......
What's that lie lie question you've been asked?  What's the best response you've given?.
Please hit the comment box.
I wish you all a stress-free week ahead.  Love you.

Words
*Jokwa :(greeting from the eastern part of the country,  ebonyi state.  It signifies respect)

Itetewo: (are you awake?)

Lielie question: (pidgin word for asking questions that you obviously know the answer)

Ekaaro: (greetings from the western part of the country.... Mostly used in the mornings)

Ekaason: (greetings from the western part of the country..... Mostly used at noon)

Ekuroole : (greetings from the western part of the country..... Sign of respect used in the evening )

Ekaale: (greetings from the western part of the country...... It's a term of respect used at night)

Let's Make A deal.

Hi bloghearts,  my apologies for being inconsistent without prior notice....  Most/some of y'all know I'm serving my country through the compulsory NYSC programme which would hopefully come to an end in April,  nextyear.  Just to inform you that I might not be fully active when it comes to posting daily(lack of power supply is one of my major difficulties here. ).  So,  I'm working on uploading my posts just on  Mondays,  wednesdays,  Friday,  then Sunday....  Cool,  innit?....  I've missed y'all here.  Meanwhile,  I'd get myself geared up for next week's post .  (reading through this post seems as if I sound too serious. *coversface*)

Frenemy

Is there a need to have friends? What’s the need to have friends? Is it a “Have or Die” syndrome? Is friendship overrated or underrated?

You get to meet every Tom, Dick and Harry, engage in a conversation, laugh, share memories exchange numbers and BAM!, the next minute you all go <strong>“MY FRIEND” </strong>coupled with a broad mischievous laugh alongside “onlyGodknowswhatsinyourheart”.

I don’t intend to fickle your thoughts or opinions on this topic but I really can’t deal with the way this word”FRIEND” is personified to every T, D and H.

Personally, I just realized I have lots of friends on social media (of which I’d take my time to make good use of my delete buttons on personal platforms like BBM). With over 100 contacts on BBM, 130 on whatsapp and 527 friends on facebook (of which close to 350+ are unknown), Would I just conclude that they are my friends?. I’m sorry “NO!”.  Just as ori yato sori, same way ore yato sore.

While I was in the orientation camp, I knew these girls in my hostel to be friends. The relationship was so close that I thought they had known each other for so long. A little fight sprung up and BAM! It was time to unleash the dragon. Secrets were out! All the borrow posts parole was leaked. Sincerely, I enjoyed the dramas especially the gists behind every secrets from both parties but I totally disliked the fact that they had to go so far to snitch on each other. “MAKA WHY?”.  It was so serious that one of the female soldiers had to intervene just to let peace reign.  Within me , I’m like “Shuo! Na by force to make friends?”. Guess where they met? At the gate while registering.

Recently, I watched the project Fame Auditions and the kooky acts by some contestants gives me mixed feelings.  While trying to deal with my uncontrollable laughter, the next thing that comes through my mind is “Does this one have a friend?”.

Before I embark on anything, asides God, I discuss it with either my friend or date. This isn’t because I don’t have a mind of my own to take decisions but I need to know the truth. People watch me, they know my flaws, every step I take could seem perfect to me. In my head I could feel as if I’m singing like Celine Deon but out there, only a truth friend knows I sound like a crocodile and of course, a true friend would tell me that.

Imagine those terrible children that disgraced themselves on air, perhaps, they are like me who sounds better than Beyonce in the bathroom but before I dare apply for the audition. I must have told a friend who would tell me “If I’m good to go or better still, work more on my voice”.

This reminds me of when I asked my bro if he could direct me to any studio (cos I really wanted to some recordings). Below is our conversation:

Me: Dami! Do you know if there’s any studio around where I can do some recordings.

Bro: Studiio? I don’t think so. What do you want to do there?

Me: I need to go and record my song. A demo tsha!

Bro: (Laughs) You want to go and sing?

Me: Yes! Don’t you know I sing

Bro: I’ve never heard you sing. Oya sing xef, lemme hear you

That’s a practical example of what a friend should do. A good friend should be:

Always ready to accept you(GOD! FAMILY! GOD!)
Trustworthy and genuine (I have a friend who is always genuine to me with my looks. If my cream is having this harsh reactions on my face and I’m turning white. She’d go all @Deb, you look like a ghost”. That could sound harsh but that’s what a real friend would do. Shoutout to Bash!.
Your ride or die G (Always there through the toughs, ups and downs! Shoutout to my darling bae. I don’t mean to be prideful (hehe!) but He knows I’m an asset. LOL
Your judge, adviser and critic (I was in the studio last week Tuesday and all my voice could bring out was rubbish! Instead!| this dear friend kept telling me what to do. I kept hitting myself hard to say something rather than waste time. I messed up that day but then, this friend helped me out. I’ve posted some topics on here through his help and advice. Big hugs to Jeezy!)
Your gist mate( This is Someone you can tell anything, nasty gists and little gossips. Mrs Ayandeyi and Flore! I love you guys always )
Supportful
Know what you can and can’t do (Back In my UnderG days, There are times my friend goes out to have fun, comes back and start gisting me. When I get angry for her not calling me cos I almost died of boredom, she’d go all “I know sey na where you no fit go, can you go with me next time when I call you” and I’d be all nba! I no do. A friend should be able to vouch for you)
Full of humour
Someone who can call you “stupid” and it sounds hilarious to you : You cant just call me “Ode” for nothing, the next minute its either I lash my tongue at you or climb a chair to give you a dirty slap. (I have so many nicknames(I wont mention all). But All thanks to  my friends. (Nobody calls me “Sniper” better than her…..)
After all is typed and read, Do you still need a Friend?

Easy ways to drink more water

Asides air, water is one of the most important gift God blessed us with. Its what we cant do without and can be used to do virtually everything, cooking , bathing, washing, drinking(name it).

According to research, its healthy to take at least 3 litres or at most 6 litres of water daily( I lie?). There was a time I tried to work on it and the result was obvious on me. Yes! My skin glowed, thats one of my little secret. 
Asides that, there are other benefits of water to our health which we all know.
It wasn't so easy for me cos I had to pee almost everytime. What I was more concerned about was the result but I had to do some calculations cos at a point, it wasn't easy visiting the loo. 
To ease myself off the calculation of litres, I drink 5 sachet of pure water daily, 100cl makes a litre, from 5sachet of litre, I get my 3 litres daily. 
For those who use water dispenser, its easy. Just get a bottled water , drink and refill. Someone might say its Easier said than done, no worries! I've got tips on how to drink it with ease. 
So, the 5 easy ways to drink 3 to 6 litres daily are
1. Drink a sachet of water or more as soon as you wake up. It works easier for me after I brush cos if I drink  before I brush, might end up puking.
2. Take little sips or drink more when you're tasty. Before I left my job for NYSC, I buy four sachet of pure water. It works for me when I sip especially while working. I finish a sachet once when I know I'm really slowing down. 

3. Calculate well. If you don't wanna go beyond 3 to 4 litres, calculate and stick to it.

4. Set a reminder. When I started work, at times I don't eat till I leave, most times I get biscuit and I'm okay. It might seem eeeew! to you setting a reminder but when you're game, it works.

5. Add a flavour of your choice or any fruit. Aanyone tasted water that is soaked in cucumber? Jeeez! It tastes great to me. You could squeeze little juice from lemon or anything just to make it taste different.

Note that you would visit the loo almost everytime.  Can anyone share his/her little secret with us too? Use the comment box

Spoiler Alert!

I was able to retrieve few of my writeups,  they are like gold to me..... Im gonna share some of them here.

Some, or I will say all us have come to terms with this or perhaps had an experience of such. I have categorized these into 6 groups and they are:

1. Movie Spoilers : These category of people will advise you to watch a particular movie, send it to your phone or laptop and perhaps, stay with you while watching(that's a good move, right? ). The next thing they'd do(which i feel is a bad move) is start explaining the next scene, or tell you to take note of this particular scene cos you might need to flash back later. The worst of all is when they spill what would happen at the end of the movie, even when its so suspense filled. Why advise me to watch the movie when you can just sit me down and explain it all?. I fall in this category(at times) and most times when I can't deal with the suspense, I ask what's next.

2. Personality Spoilers: These are the back biters,  the badbelles in friends clothings. The kinda people you should never have something to do with. They would act as friends but out of spite, ruin your image. These are the kinda people that should be waved to from afar.

3. Material Spoilers: These are most annoying set of people who care less about how expensive your wears, shoes or handbags are let alone get bothered about how much you cherish it. Personally, my Clothes and bags could be shared but my shoes! Is a No! No!. This is because everyone has diff size of feet. The fact that I use size 39 and you use same size doesn't mean my shoe can fit into your feet. Most people ignore all these and just dip their fat sized feet into a slim sized shoe which would either widen the shoe and perhaps not size the owner. Same thing is applicable to our personal make up products, sponge , soap and all.

4. Gist Spoilers: This is similar to the movie spoilers. As a lady who hates being stale and likes amebor, there are diff ways of giving gist(that I know). Its either you drop the main topic and create a suspense before you explain the real story (which I hate but like ) or just drop the whole gist in a sentence and walk away. Then expect your audience to answer the questions themselves. That's very wicked LOL cos most of us do it and just hide the main gist.

5. Suspense/ Surprise Spoilers: Words are like eggs, once broken, it cant be replaced back. imagine your friend's boyfriend planned a surprise party for your friend (of which you know how happy your friend will be). Only for you to open your big mouth and unconsciously drop the gist. Ah! I will be happy o but I'd kill that friend for spoiling my surprise.

6. Party Spoilers : People in these categories are the ones you'd pray and fast days before your Ddaynot to have an encounter with.
The ones who Springs up unnecessary fight,  they are the ones who don't find it hard to smash bottles on the ground.  These are the Albero kinda spoilers aka Party spoilers.

There are a thousand categories of spoilers out there and I'm sure some of us Fall into at least one or more than one group. You could drop your comments stating other categories. I would say I am a movie spoiler, So where do you belong?