Reflections of Life

What have you always believed about yourself that life is showing you might not be true?
I love this question. More precisely, I love these moments when we are able to see that something we’ve always believed about ourselves might not be true.
Those moments can be rare. Most of the time, what we believe about ourselves colors what we see in our life experience. If we believe we’re incompetent with numbers, that’s what we see play out in our life experience. If we believe we’re mediocre parents, that’s what we see evidence for. If we believe we “never get angry,” we see evidence for that. It’s the very nature of belief: it causes us to notice certain truths in the landscape of reality, and to be utterly blind to others.
So it’s very unusual that we truly see something in life that conflicts with our beliefs. It’s a kind of unique moment of confrontation with reality and of growth.
When it happens, it happens for one of two reasons. Sometimes, life confronts us with something that conflicts with our beliefs so clearly that we get hit over the head with the new truth. When that dramatic move from life (you thought you were x, but life is clearly giving you evidence you are y!) coincides with some meager measure of openness in us, we can see a new truth about ourselves.
But more often, and in fact in every moment, the truths about ourselves that life offers us are quieter, more subtle. To see those, we need to be looking at life, to have found a sliver of non-defensiveness in ourselves through which we’re able to see what life is really showing us. And we must be present enough to see what is happening in front of us right now – rather than seeing our old stories play out again and again as we project them onto the complex canvas of life.
How can we live awake like this, so that our lives are less and less a deadened re-run of old beliefs (re-runs are so boring) and more an alive unfolding in which we keep learning, growing, and staying fluid – fluid as life itself?
This is the same question as: how can I accelerate my growth? It is the same question as: how can my life get more interesting? How can it become a great adventure?
I think it begins with caring about that, with caring about being open to and present to life. We have to decide that we want to live in that way.
Then we do what it takes, which is moving slow enough — moving slow even in the midst of a busy day (it’s possible, it’s an inner move) — to pay attention to what is happening before us. Moving slow enough to reflect on what is happening. We move slow enough to notice what we are feeling and to follow the discomfort or exhileration or panic or sense of messiness that comes up when we are confronted with a truth about ourselves, positive or negative, that conflicts with what we believe.
And we have to nourish our hearts enough – with comfort and love from others and self-love – so that our hearts have room to be open to truths that may feel challenging and vulnerable when we first look at them. We have to have the emotional reserves to look.
When we do that, life becomes our teacher. Gentle, graceful, ever unfolding, complex. That infinitely pixelated canvas of life illuminates and no moment remains mundane.

HOW TO MOVE ON AFTER BEEN CHEATED ON.

Being cheated on is one of the most terrifying and painful experiences you can have in a relationship.  Feelings of doubt and extremely low self-esteem can surface, along with anger, confusion, sadness, and overall depression.  Being cheated on can make a woman question themselves and look inward, when the real healing comes from realizing and accepting that it was their man’s choice that ruined the trust and has nothing to do with them.  Feeling blame can be a harmful and counterproductive feeling when trying to heal.
Whether you're the one who has strayed from your relationship or you're the partner who feels betrayed, Take a look at these 7 steps that might help you through this tough time…

1. Acceptance
Acceptance is hard but you have to move on.  Infidelity is the leading cause of divorce in the western world.  If you can’t accept that it happened to you, it will consume your mind and eventually destroy you physically and emotionally. Being cheated on has nothing to do with your appearance, brains, athletic ability, personality, race, religion, or any other characteristic you possess.  The richest, most beautiful women who seem to “have it all” get cheated on too.  Cheating has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with your man and his issues.  It’s frustrating to not be able to “solve” these issues, but it’s your partner’s responsibility to try to mend your relationship, not you.
- See more at: http://madamenoire.com/95572/he-cheated-now-what-learn-how-to-move-on-after-betrayal/2/#sthash.lTuzQ0cp.dpuf

1. Acceptance

Acceptance is hard but you have to move on.  Infidelity is the leading cause of divorce in the western world.  If you can’t accept that it happened to you, it will consume your mind and eventually destroy you physically and emotionally. Being cheated on has nothing to do with your appearance, brains, athletic ability, personality, race, religion, or any other characteristic you possess.  The richest, most beautiful women who seem to “have it all” get cheated on too.  Cheating has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with your man and his issues.  It’s frustrating to not be able to “solve” these issues, but it’s your partner’s responsibility to try to mend your relationship, not you.

 

2. Forgive Wholeheartedly

Honestly ask yourself if you can forgive him. Cheating is never justified and puts a huge strain in a relationship. Sometimes it’s impossible to recover from but if you are willing to take the steps to forgive, you must do it wholeheartedly; there is no turning back. After you have forgiven, you must make yourself move forward and stop reminding yourself of what he did to you.  It is easier to forgive because it will ultimately help you in the healing process. The key here is to love yourself and not be hard on yourself.  Yes your partner is to blame, but playing the blame game is anything but productive.  If you choose to forgive and give it another shot, you must be prepared to fully let go and avoid bringing it up and throwing it in his face down the line.  If you can’t do that, then forgive him for your own health, and move on.

 

3. Don’t Try To Rationalize

Don’t try to make sense out of nonsense. Rationalizing your cheating spouse’s behavior or sympathizing with him is pointless. It is never OK to go outside of your relationship to solve problems within a relationship. No matter what excuses he puts on you or what blame he tries to throw at you, stay confident that he is caught in a lie and knows he has no where to go.  He might try to manipulate you into thinking it was your fault he strayed.  In this case, if you tolerate his excuses, the rest of your relationships will only be full of more manipulation, lying, and probably cheating.  Don’t allow yourself to get caught in a tailspin relationship headed for failure.  If he’s not adding significant value and happiness to your life, you deserve better. I mean we've passed that stage of getting yourself stuck to a cheat all in the name of "LOVE"

 

 4. Don’t Mope

Time heals nothing. It is what you do with the time that matters. Surround yourself with happy people who support and care about you. Choose people who have positive attitudes during these times and watch movies or TV shows that make you laugh.  It’s also important to take care of yourself and your health.  Don’t use this as an excuse to pack on the pounds and eat junk food 24/7 or get yourself drunk. Nah! you don't need that. Don’t give the man who cheated on you that much power or make him think he's got a huge percentage to your existence, i mean he's not the air you breathe.  Rather take this time to increase endorphins and go for a walk or run in your neighborhood, or do something more beneficial to your LIFE. Show yourself, and your cheating man, that you are capable of a full and happy life with or without a man.  Stick close to good girlfriends, hang out with that awesome hilarious male friend of yours and lean on your family if possible.
 

5. Think Positive
Remember that it is better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.  Don’t assume that your relationship is the only one with speed bumps.Nah! Don’t be discouraged about finding love again, because it is out there, but don’t beat yourself up because your relationship didn’t work out.  It’s more noble to pull away from a bad relationship, than stick with it just to “save face.”  Put that ego aside and treat yourself with respect. If you don’t, who will?
 

6. Set Limits
If your partner wants back in, he will have to earn his way back into the relationship. Renegotiate the relationship in a way that works for both of you.  There comes a point in time where you may have to draw a line and say, “That’s it, I’m done. I’m not mad at you. I withdraw my feelings, I withdraw my emotions. You go do whatever you want to do because I’m not going to live like this anymore.” Don’t stay together for the children either. Kids would rather be from a broken home than live in one. They’re much better off with one well-adjusted, happy, thriving parent, than they are with two who are cheating, lying, fighting, and living with stress and pressure.

  

7. Continuous Healing
Whether you decide to forgive your man or not, you will definitely need some time to fully heal.  Counseling is a great option for some and shows that you and your man are willing to change and move forward together.  Some men have difficulty with counseling and believe it is a sign of weakness to seek help from a “stranger.”  This is a close-minded approach and should not be an issue if your man is truly committed to mending your relationship. If he raises concerns about therapy, explain that this is your requirement and you feel that a 3^rd party involvement will only help by expressing your emotions in a neutral setting.  Since your partner committed an act of infidelity he/she must support you in the healing process. The objective is moving away from the experience and always emerging as a better person. Life is full of lessons, but it’s up to you on how choose to deal with them.

Conclusively, its very crucial for you to note that not all dudes cheat, REAL MEN don't cheat, Guys (i mean babyish ones)do. 
 Ladies, puhleeeeze don't get carried away with his age, It doesn't have to do with how old that dude is before he's categorized under the "REAL MAN" clique.
He could be 30 and his old skull might still be wanna rock with the guys clique while that awesome 22 year old dude is acting the REAL MAN already.

Odeniran Deborah
D.O

7. Continuous Healing
Whether you decide to forgive your man or not, you will definitely need some time to fully heal.  Counseling is a great option for some and shows that you and your man are willing to change and move forward together.  Some men have difficulty with counseling and believe it is a sign of weakness to seek help from a “stranger.”  This is a close-minded approach and should not be an issue if your man is truly committed to mending your relationship. If he raises concerns about therapy, explain that this is your requirement and you feel that a 3^rd party involvement will only help by expressing your emotions in a neutral setting.  Since your partner committed an act of infidelity he/she must support you in the healing process. The objective is moving away from the experience and always emerging as a better person. Life is full of lessons, but it’s up to you on how choose to deal with them.
- See more at: http://madamenoire.com/95572/he-cheated-now-what-learn-how-to-move-on-after-betrayal/8/#sthash.WbIcujeN.dpuf

Being cheated on is one of the most terrifying and painful experiences you can have in a relationship.  Feelings of doubt and extremely low self-esteem can surface, along with anger, confusion, sadness, and overall depression.  Being cheated on can make a woman question themselves and look inward, when the real healing comes from realizing and accepting that it was their man’s choice that ruined the trust and has nothing to do with them.  Feeling blame can be a harmful and counterproductive feeling when trying to heal.
Take a look at these 7 steps that might help you through this tough time…
- See more at: http://madamenoire.com/95572/he-cheated-now-what-learn-how-to-move-on-after-betrayal/#sthash.IS1Lo8tb.dpuf