Stop worrying about whether or not the guy you're dating is your future
husband and just focus on finding out if you're even good together.
Here's how!
Money may make the world go around, but it sure can wreak havoc in your love, relationship or marriage!
One of the top reasons why couples fight and sometimes end up in
divorce court is because they can’t resolve disagreements about money.
In fact, the recent National Survey of Families and Households found that regardless of their tax bracket, married
couples who frequently argued about finances were more likely to
divorce. This same study showed that arguments about money were harsher,
lasted longer and required more time and effort to bounce back from.
Because the “M” word is so potentially contentious, some couples tip
toe around the subject and refuse to talk about it. They communicate
only when necessary about bills due or purchasing decisions and even
then, they speak with guardedness or get defensive before the discussion
has begun.
Particularly with the economic challenges that have been going on not
only in the U.S. but around the globe, it’s essential for couples to
learn how to talk about sensitive subjects like money and to do so in
ways that help them stay close and trust one another.
Unfortunately, these habits get in the way and make money a topic that
gets avoided at all costs or is at the center of frequent blow ups...
Blame
Judgment
Different rules and priorities
Hiding spending
Defensiveness about purchases
Secretiveness when financial challenges arise
And there are more. Think about how a usual conversation about money
goes for you and your partner. How does he or she react? What do you say
or do? What is your mood just before and during a money talk? How close
or far apart do you two feel after you’ve communicated about financial
matters?
If the way you and your partner talk about money has been a springboard
for arguments or cold and hostile silence in the past, know that this
is bad for trust, connection and the overall health of your marriage.
Use these 4 tips to improve communication about finances in your
marriage...
1. Admit to your money fears.
One thing that sparks and fuels most arguments
about money is fear. If you pull back the curtain on your judgments
about the way your partner spends too much or refuses to spend much at
all, you’re going to find fear.
No matter what our bank accounts say, just about every one of us has
fears about money. It’s about survival, after all! Money is required to
provide for our basic needs, not to mention all of those extras that
help us enjoy the lifestyle we have (or want to have).
When you admit to the fact that you have worries, fears and maybe even
anxiety about money to yourself and to your partner, it helps you
understand one another a little more and it encourages compassion too.
2. Be honest about your priorities.
Know what your financial goals are and don’t hide them. If you feel
embarrassed or ashamed about your priorities, you’re more likely to lie,
pretend or become defensive about them. These reactions are only going
to amp up the tension, breed resentment and cause more conflict.
Instead, be upfront and let your partner know what it is you’d like to
save for or to spend. Talk about what you want and be aware of how
flexible you are when it comes to specific financial goals.
3. Listen completely.
Don’t assume that you already know what your partner’s position is on a
particular money matter. Regardless of what he or she said the last
time you two argued about this or a similar issue, instead of making an
assumption, listen. Keep your mouth closed and your mind open and really hear what your partner has to say.
If you’re confused or what you’re hearing doesn’t make sense to you
ask, “Please help me understand....” or “When you say _____ do you
mean _____?”
4. Look for the overlap.
As you listen to your partner, pay attention to the places where what
he or she is saying (and wants) overlaps with what your financial
priorities are. In the vast majorities of arguments, the two “sides”
aren’t actually all that far apart.
Think about some creative ways for you both to not only feel heard and
understood, but also for your priorities to get met. It might take some
time, but when you come to the conversation with openness and an
intention to cooperate (instead of be combative), solutions come easily
and then you can get back to the business of enjoying loving one
another.
How do you heal from a wound like that and turn into a scar you can be proud of?
How can you let go of your fear and love unconditionally when someone new?
To allow love into your life, first you
must love yourself and do what you love. That doesn't mean you have to
go to war. It just means you do what is important for you first.
So what
are your passions?
Are you living them fully? Doing so will create the
space for more passion and love to come into your life.
Live for you, to live for your partner
In a relationship, the best part about doing what you need to do for
you is that it allows you to give your partner the space to do the same
for themselves. Sure, you can make sacrifices
and compromises for the sake of your relationship BUT you should never
expect the other to make a sacrifice that asks them to give up on who
they really are.
How to heal the past
The past can be a disease at times, because it holds us trapped within
our implicit memory: the subconscious part of our memory that is beyond
our conscious control. This is the part of the brain that controls 95
percent of our cognition — which is why it is so hard to let go of the
past, because it constantly bombards our subconscious. The worst part is
that, neurologically speaking, traumatic events create an even greater
hold in our memory.
The key to reducing the impact of that trauma is to make the memory
explicit. To make it a part of your conscious memory. That then allows
you to choose outside of it. Don't run from the past relationships that
haunt you. Accept them, remember them, and most of all, learn from them.
The secret to learning from your bad relationships and creating good ones
You don't learn by finding out all the things the other person did wrong (as appealing as thay may seem).
You learn by taking 100 percent responsibility for how and why things
went the way they did. That is the fundamental key to success in any
relationship. If both partners took 100 percent responsibility for
everything, how could there ever be any fights?
Today I am stronger regardless of my past relationships. By seeing the mistakes I made, I'm working on them for me to have the best relationship ever.
Be open to Love
The mistake we all make is making not making that attempt into another relationship. You're scared of trying. Everything's about risk, LOVE especially. You end up turning down those guys or zoning them, who knows if the dude you bro-zoned is your man. Because James toyed with your heart doesn't mean John would.
In Mariah Carey's voice " I just want these for my own. More than you could ever know. Make my wish come true.All I want for Christmas are theseeeeee, yeah".
Before any one starts thinking, don't you forget that the Christmas heart is a giving heart, a wide open heart that thinks of others first. If you're thinking of what to get for me this Christmas, below are my "wishes"(which would come true).
A Bible.
Handbagssss
Blocked heeled shoes and flat shoes would do (my size' 39/40 )
Black'd would look cool on me. I want something big though (extra large)
iPad 3
Yes! allllllll
FYI: You aren't restricted to sending me one o. Send them as the spirit leads*winks*.
You wanna contact me? mail me at auspiciousdeb@gmail.com
Thanks in advance
I received this poem from a colleague on Whatsapp. I fell in love with it and decided to share it with you guys.
Great Madiba!
Gone but your legacies live forever,
Dead and voiceless,
but your actions speak with truthful conscience.
South Africa, your Independence was late
but you got it with Great gain
Thanks to Mandela
the Man who has been to Jail
and brought out this great gain
Great are your works and words
for it will be remembered in the human race
Goodbye Mandela.
Nice one Philz, i'm sure you'd be happy i shared this.
If you can relate to any of the following, then it’s time to rethink your situation.
Let’s be real, girls. For women, sex is almost always MORE than just a
physical craving. It could be a reflection of our state of mind at the
time, the quality of our current relationship or the way we feel about
our bodies on a
particular day. Clearly, there’s more than hormones raging out of control here.
Beautiful, tender love-making also entices and influences our emotions.
So when you are in the mood for sex, do you ever think about why you truly want it? Is it because:
• You are in love and want to express it physically?
• You are so turned on in the moment, and a heady desire overwhelms you?
Or, is it because:
• You are secretly insecure and use sex as a means to make you feel more worthy and better about yourself?
There are many good reasons to have sex. But there are also many bad – and stupid – reasons for it.
Here are some of them:
1. Revenge
You are trying to get back, get even or hurt someone. This is
particularly bad if you’re cheating on someone since you’re also
exposing them to potential STDs. No matter how much you think it’s
justifiable, there’s NEVER a good excuse to put someone else at risk.
2. Expectations
You hope that by giving in, the other person will fall for you. This is
the kind of emotional immaturity that you should have left behind you
the minute you turned your back on high school. You can never force
anyone to love you, it doesn’t matter how spectacular the sex is. Pack
away your lingerie and grab a copy of He’s Just Not That Into You
instead. Because if you’re reduced to playing games like this – offering
your body – then, honey, it's safe to
say that he probably isn’t looking for anything more.
3. Facade
You use it to avoid dealing with other emotional grievances, like
loneliness. The truth is, you’re opening yourself up for even more hurt
when your emotions catch up with you. And believe me, they will.
4. Ego trip
You prove you have control over another individual. It’s one thing to
engage in a casual night of no-strings sex or kinky 'whips and chains'
type of fun. But don’t foist your need for power and authority over an
innocent guy. Figure out why you feel weak in the first place.
5. Seeking validation
You lack confidence and seek approval. At some point, you’ll discover
that sex is so much more enjoyable when you are self-assured and
self-accepting and when you have it at the right time. That post-orgasmic, hormone- induced high is
short-lived. Instead of turning to sex, find real joy in yourself. Learn
to love yourself. Yes, I know it sounds cheesy, but face it - it's
true!
Hi Dearies,
Wanna drop some latest pictures mine. Was supposed to go see a movie but I actually decided to stab the cinema and just chill at the Lagoon Resort, UNILAG 'cos i was so lazy and tired for any Ozone thingy after all the "danceeeeeee and screams at The Experience."
Photo shoot was taken by My Own Dearestest (CEO MATOPS Photography)
Sincerely, i never knew i was gon have a photo spree. Woulda at least changed my wears buh anyways i sha snapped.
Senate Building, UNILAG.
I had this shot in a jiffy 'cos i was actually trying to avoid embarrassment by 'em those security officials but i think its nice. Me Likey.
My weekend was great.Thanks for making my day Dearie("cos i'm sure you're gon see this).
The line up of artistes billed to feature include award winning Tye Tribbet, Kirk
Franklin, Yolanda Adams, Donnie Mcclurkin, Don Moen, Cece Winans, Micah
Stampley. From Nigeria we have: Eben, Frank Edwards, Sammie Okposo,
Midnight crew, Freke Umoh, Kingsley Ike, Mike Aremu and the Prestigious LMGC
[Lagos Metropolitan Gospel Choir].
Ministering : Bishop Tudor Bismack, Bishop John
Francis and Host, Pastor Paul Adefarasin
I’m sure we have all reasons to THANK GOD for
seeing us through the past months (January – November).
Indeed, my BIG DADDY is forever
faithful and loving to me inspite of all my shortcomings. Sincerely, GOD still remains the best to me ‘cos his baby is just so special to him. Ask the angels *they can attest to that*
30 days countdown to the NEW YEAR and you still haven't
gotten that particular thing you really
aimed for?.
Calm down, you still got 720 hours left. He only wants you to ease
your mind off it and leave the rest for him to finalize the best for you.
God
is so full of surprises, he wouldn’t mind giving you a last minute miracle.
‘Nywayz, today is a special Sunday to me. *iono bou you*.
Being the first Sunday of d month and last 1st Sunday
of the year is enough reaasons for me to
dance and jiggle 'em the worries off .
Just wanna use this medium to wish you all a Happy New Month
and Glorious Sunday in his presence. Also, keep beleiving God has a lot in store
for you.
Above all, BE THANKFUL. Thank him in anticipation of the BIGGER THINGS he has in store for you within the next 720 hours and all he's done for you in the past months.
![Tory Burch Satchel [SOURCE]](https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/blogger_img_proxy/AEn0k_uXGVychNm5GeLTtSJTOfDmve0_2RW4dNTI0P6GsbtVk4X83cIX_QjVQgSMe6MWPziQtndjd4oIZ_x3msEzVM6mXSqJIhSOsEMyEwgNU2ptRQ2ZAkiijeK3S6oWquzBjRTdi7CugBFAwF5Q=s0-d "My Christmas wish list (21 photos)")
